


How did we get here?

by cassmtz



Category: RWBY
Genre: AU with faunus, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Past Abuse, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-10-16 15:35:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17552363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassmtz/pseuds/cassmtz
Summary: After more than a decade together, Blake and Yang have reached a point of no return. Will they overcome their own hangups and work things out or is just easier to give in and try to salvage the friendship they'd built years ago?This is a love story that begins at the end.





	1. How we fell apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge shoutout to Unjax and Catlover for being super helpful beta readers on this work. It wouldn’t be half of what it is without them. Check out their works

“Come on babe, we both know that’s not what either of us wants.” Yang rubbed the back of her head, ruffling her hair a bit. It's a nervous habit Blake recognized immediately. While Yang’s tone came out self assured, never betraying any doubts or insecurities, the signs were never lost on Blake. She’d spent the better part of a decade watching Yang intently. 

In Blake’s mind, they were standing at a precipice together. Blake at the cliff’s edge, gazing downward, ready to leap off at a moment's notice; Yang planted firmly on the ground before the ledge, holding Blake’s hand and beckoning her back. Though the cliff was all in Blake’s mind, she could hear Yang’s heart as it hammered as though she was afraid, as if Blake was a moment from falling. Blake’s muscles were coiled, tensed, ready to leap at the first sign of danger, and deep down. Everything was a scene played out wrong, a funhouse mirror of how things were supposed to be. Yang looked pleadingly at Blake, hoping she’d snap out of whatever had brought them here. 

“Yang, we…I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep having these arguments where we go in circles over and over again before one of us, usually me” Blake’s voice cracked, giving way to her emotion, but the conviction remained, “gets tired and we pretend nothing happened.”

All Yang could do was stare. This wasn’t how their fights went. This wasn’t how anything “them” went. Always, like clockwork, every few months one of them came home more grouchy than usual from work. Always, they eventually snapped. Always, they argued in circles. Always, the night ended in each other’s arms, soft whispers of apologies and forgiveness between the sheets while they remade their love in the best way they knew how. 

“Yeah, we butt heads, but we only need two truths to keep us going. I love you, and you love me.” Yang pleaded with her girlfriend, taking her hand and kissing it tenderly. “That’s all we’ve ever needed, Blake. Sometimes I’m temperamental and sometimes you’re too brooding. It’s who we are, it’s who we love, and we can get through this like we always do.” 

“We don’t though. We never do, not really. We make promises to change and we do for what? Two, maybe three weeks? No, we just stomp it all down and fuck our way out of being angry with each other. Then it comes back, it always comes back. Yang, that's not healthy. Aren’t you tired of it all?” Blake choked back her tears. If she were being honest with herself, she’d love nothing more than to cave, run into Yang’s arms, kiss her and say it was all just a misunderstanding. She wanted nothing more than to feel Yang again, to be close to her again, but she couldn’t. Not again, not this time. 

“Then let’s talk, let’s hash it all out. Just tell me what I need to do.” Yang’s voice was soft, barely louder than a whisper. She stepped closer into Blake’s space, trying to close the gap between them, needing to feel close, too afraid of losing Blake over the ledge. 

“We have, so many times. Yang, I’m just tired of saying the same things over and over, only for you to completely ignore what I’m saying. I won’t say you don’t try, you always do for the first couple weeks. Then it’s like you just forget everything you’ve promised. I can’t keep this up Yang, it’s destroying me.” Blake pulled back from Yang. She knew the right look, right touch from the woman she loved more than anything was enough to send her right back into old ugly patterns. She would use all the same old excuses. She loves Yang, Yang loves her, they’ve been through so much, Yang isn’t bad all things considered, where is she going to go? She had them memorized, they were her prayer every night she was left alone with her thoughts. Usually nights they weren’t intimate, nights she or Yang drank a little too much, nights they would fight without fighting. The excuses were so carefully memorized, she knew exactly which one would end this argument, though she refused to even think the words. 

“Blake, please, what do I need to do. I’ll do anything you ask of me, just please don’t quit us.” Yang choked back a sob, “I can’t live without you.” She took another step toward Blake, bolder and closer this time, eyes locked on Blake’s unflinching. 

 

“Yang, please, don’t do this, don’t make me crumble again.” Blake pleaded again and created space. “I…we deserve better than staying together because it’s comfortable.” Blake stormed out of the room, to one where she didn’t feel as though Yang had her cornered. She was still ready to run. Whether it was away from or towards Yang, she wasn’t sure. 

“Babe, just, give me a chance. You want to go to that therapist? I’ll go. You want me to slow down on drinking? I’ll stop. You want me to find safer work? I’ll call and quit first thing in the morning. Just tell me what you want” Yang’s voice sounded so full of pain, so unsure of what she was saying. Blake fought the urge to comfort her, to take that sad look on Yang’s face and bring back the sunny smile she loved so dearly. Blake watched Yang as she grasped at straws and categorically cycled through every argument she could find. Truthfully, the therapist was the only priority on her list. Yang’s occasional out of control drinking and dangerous job were nothing more than side effects of a larger problem, one she kept missing in her efforts to make Blake feel satisfied.

“Yang, honey, please. We can’t keep doing this. We can’t keep listening and waiting for the tomorrow we finally get help to arrive when you know as well I do, it never comes” Blake softened her voice and searched for understanding. Yang wasn’t the only guilty party. 

“Why can’t you just talk about it?”

“Don’t run away from our problems”

“Don’t expect yourself to fix everything on your own”

“I’m not him”

 

Fight after fight echoed through her mind, as well as a thousand excuses she’d used to stay set in her ways, always on the ledge of true happiness but never courageous enough to take the leap. She knew it wasn’t just Yang, and she knew Yang would allow herself to be hurt, allow her pride to be destroyed over and over again, just to keep Blake close. 

Blake adored her for it. 

Blake resented her for it. 

“You can’t just run away and expect everything to get fixed. Blake, you’re family now. I’m not the only one who needs you. What are we supposed to do? Pretend like we aren’t madly in love with each other every holiday? Are you suggesting we act like we don’t want to tear each other’s clothes off every Sunday dinner at Weiss’ house? Blake, leaving won’t solve anything, not when we both know this isn’t just any relationship, not when we both know we’re in this for the long haul.” Yang’s voice was firm again, despite the tears prickling at her eyes. 

 

She pulled Blake closer to her, keeping their attention on each other and not the stack of bags near the door. Blake’s bags.Yang held Blake’s gaze a little longer before looking down and rested her head on Blake’s shoulder. “Please Blake, we both know neither of us wants this to end.”

More of the coded language Blake used to be fond of, back when they were teens on a quest to save the world, back when their coy flirting and veiled promises excited her rather than infuriated her. This Yang was a pale imitation of the Yang she fell in love with, she knew all the moves and all the lines. Sadly, this Yang was very broken and ignored the damage she left behind everywhere she went in her fear of abandonment. 

“Yang, just say what you mean, for once, please. If you want me to stay then start by saying what you really mean and what you really want. No more hiding, no more masks. Just say it.” Blake didn't move, didn’t reach to comfort Yang, she just stood there, immovable as a mountain, her words measured and precise. 

“You know exactly what I mean.” Yang’s voice took on a sharp and short quality, one that was punctuated by the fiery glint of Yang's eyes. Though Yang wasn’t fighting yet, she was very close. Her shoulders were too tight and her brows knit too closely together to hide what bubbled underneath. 

“Then just say it. Just fucking say it.” Blake pushed Yang off her, gently.

“You’re smart enough to get it all on your own,” Yang locked eyes with Blake and confirmed her earlier suspicion. Those eyes, which only moments ago had stared adoringly at her, were glaring at her in frustration and desperation. 

“Maybe, but maybe I’d like to hear it once in a while.” They’d started dancing, a dangerous verbal tango that often left one or both of them shouting and in tears. Blake felt as though the heat from Yang’s glare was burning her. 

“Don’t I say it? Constantly?” Yang shouted at Blake, too lost in her accusation to have time for calm. She gripped Blake’s biceps to either keep her from escaping or to keep Yang from hitting the wall in her frustration. “Don’t I tell you, day in and day out how much I love you? What more do you need me to say?” The pressure on her arms wasn’t painful, she wouldn’t even call it a squeeze, but Blake knew this touch from the countless times she watched Yang escort some drunk from their barstool out onto the curb. Yang, Blake realized, was reaching her own ledge. 

“Count to ten, Yang, take some deep breaths.” Blake implored, her routine for calming an escalated Yang a practiced ritual in her mind. Afterall, no one knew when shell shock would rear its ugly head. 

“‘Count to ten?’ I feel like I have every reason to be as angry as I am.” Yang let go of Blake and paced in front of her, gesturing wildly as she yelled. “Do you even listen to me when I talk to you? Do you even notice when I try to show you how much I love you? Do you even feel anything for me when I fight to prove to you that I’m still in love with you?” Blake couldn’t fault Yang for being angry, she knew just how much Yang loved her. 

“That’s why I haven’t just walked out. Yang, I know you love me, I’ve never once doubted you love me, but I can’t keep playing this self destructive game with you anymore. We’re not in high school, we’re not in college, if we’re going to have a future together you need to tell me what you want from me clearly, and babe? Not just when we’re in bed, just tell me what you want from me so we can find a way to make it happen.” Blake backed up another step, placing their couch between them.

“Then don’t leave, just love me. I think I’m being pretty damned clear about what I want.” Yang laughed sardonically, something she knew would get right under Blake’s skin, and immediately regretted it. Yang never knew why she used that tone. Mocking Blake wasn’t something she took any pleasure in, but she’d done it nonetheless. 

“Yang, that’s not fair to me. You’re keeping me in limbo. What do you want from me? We can’t just…” Blake cut her outburst short, unable to broach the subject that followed, the truth behind her frustration in Yang. The past always haunts in the smallest, most destructive ways.

“‘We can’t just’ what, babe? Finish what you want to say, for once.” Yang’s tone was biting, intentional or not, Blake couldn’t tell. Blake always had a habit of half saying or completely hiding what she really felt, putting a smile on for Yang’s sake, leaving the emotional training wheels securely affixed. 

“Forget it, I wasn’t thinking.” Blake knew it wasn’t true, knew Yang knew too. No matter how hard she fought to say what she wanted, what she felt, a nagging fear stopped her. 

“Bullshit Blake.” Yang walked away, storming for the kitchen, making space between them to cool her head. Blake followed, not daring to step past the small threshold where the carpet of the living room became the tile of the kitchen. 

“Yang, I’m going to Sun’s for the night. I think a night away from each other would do us some good. I can come back first thing in the morning and we can talk this out, but I’m tired, you’re tired, and we’re just talking in circles.” Blake’s hands shook as she spoke, part of her hoping Yang would ask her to stay. 

 

“Yep, of course, run off to monkey boy, I’ll see you later,” Yang scoffed despite the war raging in her heart. Another comment she didn’t mean, Yang was on a roll tonight. Blake knew Yang understood Sun meant nothing more to her than he did to Yang, his friendship being an important aspect of both their lives. She’d never wanted to say that, she wanted to take back what she’d said. Yang felt as though she’d lost control of her own words. Blake’s face fell, hurt clearly etched in her features as though Yang had actually slapped her. 

They stood there in silence, Blake’s face slipping back into a neutral expression while her breathing noticeably slowed. Yang only stared at the ground, brows low and tight. Yang was frustrated at Blake for bringing this up on a bad day, at Adam for making Blake fearful of her own feelings, but most of all, at herself. 

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that. It’s clear we need some space, and I’ll be back when you want me to come home. If not, I’ll come back for the rest of my things as soon as I can.” Blake spoke with an unnatural calm, leveling her tone to keep her voice from breaking. Yang was still wrapped up in her own thoughts. She never met Blake’s gaze. It was only when she heard a soft “I love you, Yang” from the anteroom did Yang notice she’d moved at all. She lifted her head just in time to hear the front door latch shut, Blake’s bags and coat gone from their place by the door. 

 

Yang walked in a daze to their front door, touching walls with pictures of their smiling faces. She placed her hand against the door and slumped. Tears burned her eyes as she listened to the sound of Blake’s boots as they clicked against the ground as she walked further and further away from their once happy home and out of Yang’s life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first exploration into fanfiction and I’ll be using my tumblr to talk about my writing in greater detail, it’s thecassmtz


	2. How we started

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, Cat Sith and Unjax deserve a lot of thanks, without them, this chapter wouldn't be half of what it is.

Blake woke to the muffled sounds of car horns and engines as the haze from her restless sleep faded. It took her a moment to gain her bearings as she remembered exactly why the room was so loud and dimly lit. The cold emptiness of the space beside her brought her back to the night before. She was in such a fog when she’d arrived, Blake only vaguely remembered arriving at Sun’s front door, her bags in tow. He’d let her in without a single word. Instead, Sun did what she’d always expected him to do in times like these, and wrapped Blake up in a warm hug before leading her to the spare room of his apartment.

 

“Hey, you kind of look like you don’t really, you know, feel like talking right now, but whenever you’re ready, I’m here for you.” He dropped the bags she’d forgotten in their embrace on the bed and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I’m honestly surprised you’re here. It's not the first time you’ve asked to crash here, but it’s the first time you’ve actually come.”

 

Blake was only able to shake her head in response, her voice failed her as fresh tears warmed her eyes. Sun sighed, pulled her in for another hug, and rubbed his hand on her back.

 

“It’s ok, take your time, I know this is hard. How about I go buy that tea you like? We could, I dunno, maybe have something to eat when I get back, see if you’re ready to talk more?” Sun pulled away and gave her a warm smile. Blake could only look down, his smile reminded her too much of the one she’d walked away from only minutes before.

 

Sun had come back sometime later, though Blake wasn’t sure how long he’d been gone. He knocked twice on her door and offered to make her some tea. Blake only managed a shaky “no thank you” before he’d walked down the stairs and let her stew in her own space. This was how Blake had woken up, cocooned in the plush comforter from the guest bed, and the emptiness in the bed added to the ache in her. She rolled over and glanced at her scroll to find not only was she awake at an ungodly 5:00 AM, but Yang had tried to reach her many times, each message more desperate than the last. She dropped the scroll carelessly back onto the nightstand and rolled over.

 

Blake had resigned herself to being cocooned there all day. Alone. She was alone again. She’d really done it. She’d really walked out on Yang. Before Blake’s mind could spiral any further, before his voice reminded her that she’d gotten exactly what she’d deserved, she heard two polite knocks on the door.

 

“Hey, uh, Blake? Sorry, I know it’s early and all, but I heard you up and was wondering if you wanted to have something to eat?” he asked hesitantly.  “Look, I know this sucks, but you can’t spend the rest of your life hiding in my guest room and throwing your scroll around. Might as well come out sooner than later.”

 

Blake huffed to herself and mumbled something about idiots and sunrises. “What was that?” Sun called back as she tore the blankets off herself. She hadn’t even bothered to change out of her clothes before she’d laid down the night before.

 

“I just said I needed to get dressed and I’ll be right down.” Her voice was scratchier than she’d thought, and she hoped Sun wouldn’t notice.

 

“Jeez Blake, you sound like you need a gallon of tea. Hurry up, I’m hungry.” Sun’s voice grew distant as he walked away from the door and left Blake. She gathered an outfit and her toiletries and headed for the connected bathroom. She showered and dressed, doing her best to avoid her reflection in the mirror. She already knew she looked like she’d cried all night because that’s exactly what she’d done.

 

As she approached the kitchen, she heard Sun pull pans out and open the fridge, the smell of coffee already wafting through the hallway. She rounded the corner to a small kettle on the stove and Sun with his back to her, cracking eggs into a bowl.

 

“Water should be hot soon, I’m making scrambled eggs because I couldn’t think of anything else you’d like that wasn’t fish. Tea bags are in that cupboard over there” He gestured to the cupboard above a small counter next to the stove. Blake nodded and grabbed the mug he’d left on the counter and placed a tea bag next to it. “You don’t have to talk about it right away, like seriously no pressure, but I suggest you do before Nep gets home and wonders why you’re taking up our guest room. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind the extra roommate but he’s going to ask questions.”

 

“I know,” Blake said softly as she lifted the barely steaming kettle off the stove and poured hot water into her mug. “I understand that he’d be curious, I would be too. I just...I don’t know Sun, it isn’t like all the other times.”

 

“What makes this time so different?” Sun didn’t bother to look up, continuing to whisk his eggs patiently as the silence settled between them.

 

“Me, I guess.” Blake dumped the water from her mug as the kettle began to whistle. “I can’t…” She paused to steady her hands and pour fresh hot water into her mug and dropped the tea bag in. “Sun I can’t keep doing this with her. I...I do love her, more than anything, but we’re just…” She stared intently at her mug, watching the water change color and darken as the tea brewed.

 

“Hmmm, you mean kind of, like, toxic for each other?” Sun looked up from the eggs he’d poured into the frying pan and at Blake expectantly.

 

“Yeah, basically.” Blake sighed. Somehow, Sun knew. Blake would be lying to herself if she’d said she was surprised. Sun never asked questions, not for the innumerable times Blake had asked to sleep at his house, not for the times she’d call for a ride from whatever new club or bar Yang had dragged her out to for a date night, and not for the nights when Blake just wanted to talk until the early hours of the morning via text.

 

“Blake, what exactly happened?” Sun pressed as he divided the eggs between two plates and offered one to Blake. “Out of all the relationships that came out of our friends, you and Yang were always the one I assumed was forever. Not in some sappy ‘soulmates’ way, just I saw how hard you two fought to even get together.”

 

“I don’t know. Everything started out fine, then as real life caught up with us things got worse. She started snapping more and more.” Blake made her way to the small dining table and picked at her eggs.  “And I...I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything, not after everything she’s been through because of me.” Blake slumped in her chair.

 

“Do you think this is permanent?” Sun said around a mouthful of eggs before he took a large drink of his water.

 

“I don’t know. Maybe? It feels more permanent.” She poked her eggs again, shoving them in patterns across the plate.

 

”It’s kind of interesting though, ” Sun said intently, ”I’d never peg her as your type.” He swallowed the last of his eggs and stood from the table.

 

”Mm, yeah she wasn't exactly who I’d planned on being my partner in crime when we started school. I don't think I really liked her at all during orientation.” Blake smiled at her plate, reflecting on the Yang from her memories.

 

”Ouch, poor XL, I can't imagine you not liking her, must have been one hell of a first impression.” He washed his plate in the sink and poured himself a cup of coffee, ”What’d she do? Ruin your favorite book or something?”

 

”No, something much worse, ” Blake sighed wistfully. ”She was perfect in every way. She was anything and everything I’d ever needed after Adam.”

 

Sun whistled long and low. ”Damn, you had it that bad for that long, huh?” he took a sip and sighed, ”Blake, how did you two even get here, then?”

 

”How did we get here?” she said forlornly. She needed to think on it, on all of it from the very beginning.

  
  


* * *

 

”Whatcha reading there?” A bright and cheery voice startled Blake from her latest literary adventure. She looked up from the page to find a blond girl smiling down at her. ”Sorry, did I startle you? I didn't mean to be rude. Name’s Yang.”

 

”Blake” she offered her hand tentatively, though she never lowered her book completely. Yang nodded and took Blake’s offered hand, giving it a warm squeeze.

 

”Blake, nice name. So what’s it about?” Yang moved to sit next to Blake, her back against the same tree Blake was leaning against.

 

”I’m sorry?” Blake struggled to process why, of all people mixing and mingling at the mandatory orientation, Yang had chosen her to pester.

 

”The story you’re reading, what’s it about?”  Yang smiled warmly as her eyes flitted from the spine of the book and back to Blake’s.

 

What Blake wanted to say was ”It’s none of your damned business.”  or ”Go away and leave me alone” but what came out instead was ”a man with two souls, they’re kind of at war with each other over control. One is the original host soul, the other an invader.”

 

”Ooooh, sounds interesting. So who wins?” Yang leaned forward expectantly, intrigue painted clearly in the sparkle of her violet eyes.

 

”I...I haven’t reached the end yet, ”  Blake looked at her book for a moment before returning her gaze to Yang. ”Are there any people you wanted to meet here? Some friends, maybe?”

 

”Nope, ” Yang said cheerily, ”none of my friends back home came to this school, and my sister is in another program, so I'm solo. I saw you alone and thought we could be alone together.” She stood and brushed the back of her jeans off. ”Sorry, I’ll stop pestering you.”

 

Blake often looked back at that moment, the one when she’d watched Yang start to leave and decided against her better judgment to reach out instead.

 

”’Alone together’ huh? I guess it can't hurt to have someone to do the ice-breaking activities with.” She replaced her finger with her bookmark and looked up at Yang.

 

”Right? Exactly what I was thinking.” Yang settled next to her against the tree again, ”while we’re at it, why don’t we exchange numbers? Since we’ll probably have a lot of the same classes. You know, to like study some time?”

 

Blake coughed out a single laugh, ”You’re kidding right?”

 

”A lost cause, huh?” Yang rubbed the back of her head, making her hair fluff a bit as she looked toward the mainstage. ”I kind of was.”

 

Blake could only stare blankly, the busy sounds of the pep squad on the stage long-since drowned out.

 

* * *

  
  


”Damn, you were ice cold. Like you were cold when we met, but to give the cold shoulder to The Yang Xiao Long?” Sun was sitting on the edge of his seat, leaning forward with his elbows on the table.

 

”I thought she was clueless and couldn't understand for the life of me why she’d bothered talking to me.” She took a slow sip of her coffee, keeping her tone gentle. ”Add in the fact that I was in hiding from the White Fang and Adam and you've got a classic antisocial Blake cocktail.”

 

”I mean I guess, but damn, I’d always assumed you were just drawn together, you know?” Sun refilled their coffees as he pressed for more. ”When did that happen?”

 

”Not long after, actually. Once all was said and done, she respected that I didn't want to get close to her at all. I realized when I went back to my dorm room that she was actually in my wing.”

 

”Man, imagine having to room with Ice Queen.” Sun shivered and took another sip of his drink.”Still though, having Yang be your neighbor must have made it a little better.”

 

”I didn't know that Yang was right next door yet, I’d just seen her enter the hallway I lived in.”

 

”My first class was this huge stadium-style lecture, at least 300 people,” Blake recalled the far off seat she’d taken and how it gave her a perfect view of Yang sitting down in the middle. ”I found out we’d need to break into groups of four by the end. After watching Yang pay close attention to the lecture, I’d made up my mind and chose her.”

 

”Love at first sight, huh?” He smiled, his face propped on his hand, elbow on the table.

 

“Hardly,” Blake laughed, “I dated you before her, remember?”

 

“My point still stands.” Sun finished his coffee and looked down into his empty mug.

 

“Mm, who really knows?.” She remembered the way Yang smiled at her like they were old friends. “It was around then I was just drawn to her constantly.” She recalled every minute detail in Yang’s face. She remembered the timber and pitch of Yang’s voice as she excitedly accepted Blake’s offer to partner up. She remembered Yang’s smile when she took the seat next to Yang.

 

She remembered Yang.

  
  
  
  



	3. How Yang Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another huge thanks to Unjax for being the most patient and helpful editor I've ever had the pleasure of sharing my work with. 
> 
> Note Regarding Yang in this chapter:  
> I don't condone the use of substances to treat pain, physical, emotional, or otherwise.

Yang allowed herself a moment to reign in the waves of emotions she’d ridden in the last hour. She sat there for a moment letting the sobs ebb as her thoughts flowed toward a calmer state of mind. Blake was so dramatic. In fact, she was so dramatic she once threatened to leave Yang on a note she’d taped to a pint of ice cream in the freezer. Blake never made good on her threats, more often she only needed space to calm down and a bit of extra cuddling when it got colder in the apartment. Yang always panicked, but if she sat back, gave Blake her space, and waited patiently the front door would swing open and they would apologize for losing their cool. She was used to having Blake mad at her. Her impulsive nature made her hurt Blake at times, but Blake always knew it was never intentional, not usually. Blake was so quick to forgive she often told Yang she’d been forgiven the moment words left her mouth. Blake knew Yang never meant it when she’d do things in anger or without consideration. It was just part of who she was. Yang wasn’t exactly careless, nor was she ignorant, she acted with her instincts first and foremost. For as many times as Yang was an ass, Blake forgave.

 Yang had eaten that ice cream, after all.

 Today had started so perfectly, A rare shared day off meant they spent the day together, lazed around together, watched movies together, and planned to go out together. Yang had picked the perfect spot, a small dive bar with a quiet clientele and soft lighting. It was the kind of place they could find a deserted corner and cozy up with one another for the evening. When she’d told Blake about her plans, every good thing from the day had been ruined. Blake’s face fell, and she’d gone into the bedroom to, what Yang had assumed, get ready. Rather than a sinfully seductive outfit Yang imagined, Blake was still in her lounging clothes and in place of a coat and handbag, she carried a few filled overnight bags. Yang couldn’t be blamed for getting their night out wrong, she’d asked Blake’s opinion and picked the venue accordingly. If Blake wanted to go out for a nice dinner, she should have said more than “Something quiet and just us.” Honestly, Yang couldn’t really understand what she’d done wrong other than not being a mind reader. She refused to be blamed for starting this fight.

 But she’d certainly finished it.

 While Blake knew what Yang got like when her buttons were pressed, she had gone too far with the Sun comment. Yang opened her scroll and checked the time. It had been thirty minutes since Blake left, which meant she’d be home soon enough. Yang stood from the doorway and headed into the kitchen. She grabbed a few things from the fridge and set them on the countertop before she composed a message to Blake ‘Hey, I’m making some pasta for when you get home. I’d like to apologize for what I said but I’ll do that in person. Be safe’ She capped it off with a heart and found the playlist she used any time she was in the dog house, a collection of ballads Blake loved so much she’d forced Yang to listen to them. They weren’t Yang’s cup of tea but if it made Blake happy, who was she to complain?

 

_“So I was thinking, what if we split this assignment in half and partner up?” Yang said over her shoulder as she stirred the boiling pasta. “That way, Weiss can plan her uptight ass off, and you can get your editing nerd on.”_

  _“It sounds an awful lot like you want to slack off with Ruby.” Blake murmured from behind her book as she turned the page._

  _“Who said Ruby and I would be partners?” Yang dipped a spoon into the pot of simmering red sauce before she tasted it. She lowered the burner and turned to Blake. “I was thinking you and I could team up.”_

  _Blake looked up from her book and set it down, her eyebrows raised high and lips opened slightly to form a little “o”.  If Yang had known Blake would have made such an adorably shocked face, she might have had the foresight to get her scroll camera ready. “Why though?”_

  _“Just because she’s my sister doesn’t mean I want to spend every waking moment with her. We already live together and I bring her along when I go out.” Yang smiled softly. “She’s a little genius, she’s done almost everything faster than any other kid around her, except making friends. She made friends easily when she opened up but she still struggles. She can’t keep tagging along with me forever.”_

  _“So you’re pawning your socially awkward sister off on my prickly roommate because she's bad at making friends?” Blake said incredulously. “No Yang, you’re absolutely right, how could this ever go wrong?” She stood and walked over to the small range top._

  _“That’s not exactly what I’m doing. Ok sure, it gets Ruby to be a bit more independent but come on, don’t you think they get along well?” Yang handed Blake a clean plastic spoon coated in the sauce to taste.  “No matter how much Weiss might bitch about it, she totally enjoys hanging around Ruby.”_

  _“You might be onto something, the day she met Ruby was the most she’d ever said to me in the weeks we lived together.”_

  _“What’d she talk about before?”_

  _“Just laying the ground rules and giving me her schedule. We were pretty happy just not talking at all.”_

  _Yang tested the pasta and drained it before turning the burners off. She joined Blake at the table, setting two steaming bowls down. They ate in silence, except for the occasional clink of flatware against the ceramic bowls. Dinners in Yang’s family were more lively than this, often including raucous conversation and laughter, but she enjoyed the comfortable silence with Blake._

  _Though silence wasn’t something she could do for long. “Can I ask you a question?”_

  _“Sure.” Blake placed her fork down and wiped her mouth._

  _“Why did you finally agree to hang out with me?”_

  _“Should I not have?”_

  _“No, I mean, I’m glad you did, but why this time?”_

  _Blake shrugged “I guess I was just curious why you wanted to hang out with me so badly.”_

  _“What do you mean? You’re totally cool. I knew I wanted to be friends since we first talked.”_

  _“I doubt me being_ cool _would account for daily invites.” Blake stood and took their bowls to wash them. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d accuse you of being interested in being more than_ just friends. _”_

  _“And what if I am?”_

  _Blake stilled her scrubbing as her back tensed, letting the dish rag fall limply into the sink before she turned around and met Yang’s gaze. “Don’t tease Yang, it’s unbecoming.”_

  _Yang grinned mischievously “Who says I’m teasing?”_

  _“That shit-eating grin of yours.” Blake went back to washing dishes, her back relaxing. “I swear, you’re going to tease the wrong person one day.”_

  _“You worried I’ll break someone’s heart?”_

  _“No, I’m worried someone will call your bluff and you won’t know how to manage.”_

  _Yang laughed as she walked over to Blake, invading her space. “Someone’s feisty. What if I told you that, I am interested in you, no bullshit?”_

  _“I’d say you’re still full of shit and couldn’t handle me anyway.”_

  _“Ouch, Blake one thousand, Yang zero.” Yang moved to help dry the dishes, her tone seamlessly switching back into jovial “I don’t know how you stay so unshakable. It’s like I haven’t affected you once.”_

  _“Who said anything about being unaffected?” Blake teased. Yang looked at Blake. Her body language was completely controlled confidence, her smirk and the gleam in her eyes the only tell she was amused with herself._

  _“Oh, you’re good at this.”_

  _They were overcome with laughter as they rounded the corner toward their rooms. Blake didn’t say much but when she did, it was always perfect. Blake had been great to spend time with._

  _“Thanks for dinner, it was delicious and I was getting a little sick of cafeteria food.”_

  _“Yeah well, I’m a poor college kid so don’t expect me to spoil ya often.”_

  _“And here I was beginning to think you were trying to win your way into my heart with food.”_

  _“Why? Is it working?”_

  _“You’re too much” Blake waved Yang off and started heading into her room with a smile._

  _“I wasn’t kidding, by the way.”_

  _“What was that?” Blake stopped opening her door and glanced at Yang once more._

  _“I do like you, no bullshit, I am interested in you. I’m cool with being your friend but I won’t say I don’t want more.”_

  _“You’re full of shit.” Blake headed into her room and peeked out the doorway after stepping in. “You couldn’t handle me anyway.”_

  _As Blake’s door shut, Yang stood dumbfounded. While she had expected some sass from Blake, she hadn’t expected to be called out completely._

  _And certainly not with the completely satisfied smile Blake gave her._

  _“The Mysterious Blake Belladonna.” she mused to herself before heading into her room._

  


Mysterious Blake Belladonna. In college, talking to blake turned Yang on, like an appetizer teasing the mystery entree she’d get based on her answers. The fun was never knowing what she was going to get. The mix of Blake’s dark beauty and her coy and often enigmatic statements drove Yang crazy. They still did, just for different reasons. Blake was as mysterious as she was decisive, and Yang could swipe back to any given day and find a text of Blake being wishy-washy about dinner. Blake wasn’t mysterious, she omitted things. Sometimes Yang didn’t mind it, she respected that Blake would say what she wanted when she wanted. Sometimes it was maddening. Just like tonight.

 Yang looked at the swiftly cooling food she’d placed on the table and began to get antsy. She glanced at the clock and found that a full ninety minutes had passed since Blake left. Ninety minutes without a reply to her texts. She unlocked her scroll and dialed Blake’s number.

 ‘The number you dialed has a voicemail box that has-”

 Two years and Blake still hadn't set up her voicemail. Her argument was always flippant, either that she always had her scroll on her person and turned on, or that text messages were easier than voicemails anyway. Yang composed another message, doing her best to avoid showing just how annoyed Blake’s lack of reply had made her. ‘Hey, just checking in again, little worried about you. Dinner’s cold but I can heat it up for you. Call me.’ After she confirmed that it’d been delivered, she scrolled up to find Blake hadn't even bothered to read any of her previous messages.

 She stood and paced around the living room. Blake had to have known she was messaging, she wouldn’t neglect to charge or listen for notifications when it was her lifeline to her friends and family. She unlocked her scroll and checked again, this time being sure she had signal and hadn't muted her notification on accident.Yang was only able to move. Pace to chair, check scroll, pace to couch, check scroll, pace to bookshelf, check scroll. Repeat. Fifteen torturous minutes passed, checking her scroll and pacing became something just short of a ritual. Finally breaking down, she sent another message, choosing let some of her ire show through.

 ‘Look, I get you’re mad but ignoring my messages is immature and a little overdramatic, even for you. At least tell me when I can expect you so I can stop worrying about you.’

 Yang may have been impulsive, but Blake knew better than anyone how much she hated inconsistency. They would come and go as they pleased, but Yang always made sure to tell Blake the basics; who she was with, where she was, when she’d return, what she’d be up to. Blake never...Blake never really went out on her own. Sure, occasionally she went out with Ruby and Weiss or Sun and Neptune, but usually with the understanding that Yang would soon join them.

 Blake was a constant presence in her life. At any given moment Yang could open her scroll and be reminded of the space Blake took up, space she’d gleefully given. Usually, anyway, the radio silence was definitely new. Blake was vague in her details, infuriatingly so, but she never withheld information outright. Even when Blake was angry she always made a point to reply to every one of her messages, no matter how annoyed or short those responses were, they always came in a timely manner.

 This was what frustrated Yang the most.

 Blake already knew exactly why she liked the constant contact, she’d said numerous times how much she appreciated the consistent response times. Every other time one of them walked out on a fight, they always responded. This time should have been no different, and to Yang, it was no different. Sure, this time Blake had taken bags and actually left the house, but it wasn’t like they were going to quit over a little fight like this. If all the horrors of the world didn’t tear them apart, nothing would. Because they were soulmates. At least Yang liked to think so, she felt she was born to love Blake. Yang was the sun and Blake was the moon. One couldn’t exist without the other, it was exactly why they worked. Blake had been the one person in the world who would never leave her, she’d promised night after night herself. She’d be back, any minute now.

 Yang glanced at the clock. Another 30 minutes had passed. Another string of messages and calls unanswered.

 Blake was coming back, there’s no way she’d be so careless to stay out all night, even if she was being careless in not answering her scroll. Yang strode to the fridge and peered in. The six-pack of beer she kept at all times called to her and if Blake didn’t care enough to answer her scroll, who was she to care if Blake came home to a drunk Yang? She knew Blake hated it; at the moment she was hard-pressed to care.

 She did everything for Blake, right down to the clothes she wore and the style of her hair. She thought about Blake in every decision she made. She always did what Blake wanted even if meant losing a hobby or part of her style. It wasn’t like Blake asked her to, but she loved making Blake happy, loved when Blake was happy with her.

 As the last dredges from the second bottle she’d grabbed slid down her throat, she spared another look at the clock. “What the fuck, Blake?” She seethed as she threw the bottle harshly into the trash. It shattered. She’d reached for another, stopped, then placed it back. The cabinet above the fridge held better options, anyway.

 “Just stick to beer unless you’re at a party or its a special occasion.” Blake liked to say. For her credit, Yang did. At least as far as Blake saw. Sometimes she just needed a little extra to take the edge off. It wasn’t about feeling drunk it was about not feeling the pain. People drank to feel better, right? She was no different just because her drinking was more about masking the pain and less about having the giddy feeling. It wasn’t like she was some drunk stumbling around 24//7, Yang handled her shit. She worked, worked fucking hard too. She woke up every morning, made coffee, saw Blake off to work, cleaned their little apartment, made dinner for when Blake got home, then headed out for her own job. Day after day she gave Blake her best. What was wrong with wanting to unwind from time to time?

 One large glass of neat whiskey later, Yang realized another hour had passed. Her messages came at quicker intervals and with increased emotion as the alcohol worked its magic on her judgment. Yang scrolled back to when she’d first started, and not one had been so much as read. She poured another glass.

 The further down the bottle she ventured, the more desperate her attempts to reach Blake became, casting her net wider to include anyone she may have contacted, still with no luck. Yang felt as though it’d been days since Blake had walked out, though that might have had more to do with the fact she was in and out of coherent thought as she got closer and closer to blackout drunk. If Blake wanted to ignore her, fine. She’d be certain to show her how shitty it felt when she came home.

 Blake would come home, eventually, and when she did...Yang would do nothing. Yang didn’t really do anything when Blake hurt her, usually she only smiled and was thankful to have her at all. She’d come back to Yang the first time, and that's what mattered most to Yang. Blake made her feel wanted and important, that’s what love was supposed to be about. Blake made Yang feel safe, and she would trade her soul for that feeling to never leave.

 The sound of Yang’s scroll pinging woke her from the small nap she’d apparently taken and she squinted at the screen. ‘She’s here, XL, chill. Get some sleep and you can call her in the morning, she’s asleep in the guest room now.’ Sun. “Well, at least he has enough respect to let me know my girlfriend he’s fucking is safe.” She didn’t mean that. She knew better than that. She glanced at the time once more. 5 AM. She’d stayed up all night drinking and messaging Blake. Blake had stayed out all night. Not one of her messages had been read.

 Pushing herself up from the chair, Yang stood on unsteady feet and wobbled her way to the living room couch, slumping down on its cushions in time to avoid having the room spin too much. She leaned back with her arm over her eyes and tried her best to clear her head. She’d pay for this tomorrow, or rather, today when the hangover finally hit. She unlocked her scroll and typed one last message to Blake before dropping it to the cushion next to her, throwing her head back and falling asleep. She needed her rest anyway.

 

After all, Blake would be back tomorrow.

  
  



	4. How Blake Lies

“When are we going to tell them?”

“When we decide what we’re actually going to do. Do you want to finally have  a talk about this or are we still in limbo?”

 

Blake could see the crease in the middle of Yang’s brow through the call. Though she’d chosen not to use video calling, Yang’s face was still clear as day in her mind.

“I don’t feel like we can. You’re already getting agitated, and we haven’t even started.”

“I feel like I have every right to be mad, Blake. My girlfriend walked out on me and still refuses to tell me if our relationship is something she even wants to work on or if she’s just too afraid to actually dump me.”

“Yang, it's not that simple.”

“It's not as complicated as you're making it either, _sweetheart._ ” Yang hung up before Blake could argue anymore. Her scroll reverted back to the text message screen she'd used to dial Yang’s number. Blake spent days reading and re-reading any message Yang sent her. On the days she missed Yang, she would scroll back to happier times and try to relive the love she felt. Whenever she found herself longing to return, she only needed to scroll back to any night Yang had been drinking to remind her why she stayed away.

Yang was two people sometimes. During the days or sober nights where Yang expressed her longing without anger or resentment, she was damned near a poet. Unfortunately, though her words were often beautiful, what she said leaned heavily on Blake believing in soulmates and fated love. Blake didn’t. As a fictional concept, some premise in a movie she watched or novel she read, Blake found it incredibly entertaining. In real life, however, it’d been used to hurt her before. Removing the choice, in Blake’s opinion, removed all the romance. When she was younger and more naive, she allowed herself to be swept up in Yang’s insistence that they were fated to be, often told in sweet whispers while they rested in the afterglow of moments between their sheets. As an adult, she found the idea vapid.

She humored Yang’s idealism, but frequently offered non-committal responses and outright lies whenever Yang brought up that they were soulmates. Blake stopped believing in soulmates long before she met Yang, Yang had only momentarily reignited her naivete.

Until the excitement of infatuation faded and the labor of the reality being with someone set in. Yang wasn’t necessarily hard to love. In fact, Yang’s supportive and generally sunny demeanor were things Blake deeply appreciated. But to address only her best qualities was to ignore another part of Yang.

Yang was kind, passionate, loving, funny, and affectionate.

Yang was also moody, occasionally vindictive, impulsive, and often narrow-sighted.

Yang could be everything anyone could ask for one minute, and everything people warned you to avoid the next. Her inconsistency wasn’t entirely her fault, Blake understood that until Yang was ready to get help, her mood could vary wildly at a moment’s notice. It was why Blake went to therapy at all. She wanted to show Yang the benefits, but it seemed the more insight she’d gain and share, the more annoyed and apprehensive Yang got with the topic. Yang was tolerable at her worst moments, so long as she stayed sober.

Drunk Yang, however, was a different matter altogether. One moment she adored Blake, called her the moon and stars in the sky, and the next Blake was insensitive and selfish. Scrolling up further in her texts, she could quickly be reminded of the tsunami Yang’s moods seemed to be whenever she drank. Usually, the texts started out normal enough.

‘How was work?’

‘Have you eaten yet? Do you want to get dinner with me?’

‘Just come home.’

As time went on, and Yang dived deeper down that bottle, they got progressively more mean-spirited and frequent. Yang’s belligerent behavior was as cruel as Yang was annoyed. The less fun she was having, the deeper she cut into Blake.

‘Stop messing around already.’

‘Are you coming or not?’

‘Hows our buddy SUN?’

‘Just admit you’re fucking around with him so we can rip that bandage off.’

‘Are you in love with him again?’

No, Blake knew it had taken much more than fate that kept them together all these years. Their love was hard fought through constant effort, compromise, and work. Sometimes a little too much understanding. Yang always apologized the next day, citing the booze or some asshole at the bar who ticked her off. She made herself clear, she never actually thought there was something between Blake and Sun. _Then why do you keep accusing me?_ Blake wanted to say but never had the courage to. Sometimes, she didn’t even bother replying to Yang’s apologies, acknowledging them meant she either forgave Yang or resented the remarks.

A knock at her door pulled her away from reading old messages and back to the cosmetics she’d laid out on the small nightstand she was using as an improvised vanity.

“Hey, ya decent?” Sun called from the other side of the door.

“Almost, just a second.” she slipped a sweater over her head and opened the door.

“Hey, isn’t dinner, like, kind of soon? If you canceled let me know, Nep and I are ordering some take out for dinner tonight.”

“No, I’m just letting Yang get there first. She’s better at keeping them entertained and from asking too many questions.” She sat back on the bed as Sun walked over toward the nightstand, picking up her eye shadow and looking at it before glancing at her unlocked scroll.

“You know Blake, you’re only complicating  things more.” He placed the eye shadow down again and crouched in front of her. “Instead of trying to keep up your appearances, why don't you just decide where you want to go with this? Doesn’t your lease end in like, six months or something?”

“A little over seven actually”

“And you’ve been here for like a month. Shouldn’t you be deciding if you want to stay here or go back?”

“If you guys want me to leave, just say so. I can go get a hotel room until I figure things out if that’s the problem.”

“That's not at all what I said. We already told you, you can stay as long as you like, you can rent the room. We don’t mind.”

“Then what exactly are you trying to say, Sun?” Sun looked back down to her timed-out scroll as it reverted back to the lock screen, smiling sadly.

“I think you and Yang deserve better than not knowing.” He gave her shoulder a small squeeze as he stood and walked out of the room. She placed her head in her hands and sighed deeply. She knew that much. No one understood that this was too complicated for a simple answer so cliche it was a song title. _Should I stay or should I go_ was a simple answer for kids, for people without the baggage she and Yang carried day to day. Her scroll buzzed, the distinct vibration pattern she’d set for Yang years ago. When Blake lifted it, she was faced with a picture of one of the happiest moments in her life, a photo to commemorate ten long years together. She and Yang were smiling, in the middle of a small kiss, the night sky of Atlas their backdrop as millions of building lights sparkled like the starry sky her cheap scroll camera was incapable of picking up.

‘Hey, I’m already here. I told them you got held up at work.’ Blake moved to reply when another message pinged in.

‘I’m sorry for losing my cool earlier, this is just really hard.’ Three dots appeared again, Yang apparently not done saying what she needed.

‘Drive safe, I love you, and I’ll see you when you get here’ She’d included a heart at the end, something Yang always did when she looked forward to seeing Blake again. Usually, they were sent at the end of one of their shifts or trips. Coming home to each other had once been the highlight of every day. Lately, it had been more anxiety than anticipation, always wondering what fight they’d have this time. It was only natural to lose the enthusiasm for seeing the same face you saw every day for ten years. That’s what Blake told herself any time she began to dread going home.

‘I understand, you’re right, this is really hard. We’ll talk, I promise, I’m just not ready yet. I’ll be there in thirty, depending on traffic.’ she was about to set her scroll down again when she typed another message, hesitating before sending it. ‘I love you too’ sat unsent. Cowardice winning again, she deleted the message and set her scroll back down. She was grateful for procrastinating on her makeup, it would have been a shame to spend all that time carefully shaping her eyes only to have the tears flowing freely ruin all her hard work.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

“Pizza, Chinese, or burgers?”

“I’m bored with all those options.”

“We could just go full-on junk food.”

“Yang, those are _all_ junk food if you’re planning on going to the food court on campus.” Blake giggled while she watched Yang rifle through a desk drawer full of take-out menus.

“To you, maybe, little miss Organic, but I’ll have you know all three are college staples and essential parts of the struggling student’s diet.”

“Why don’t we cook tonight?” Blake hugged the pillow in her lap closer to her chest, peeking over the top at Yang as she shut the drawer and looked over her shoulder.

“You mean why don’t _I_ cook tonight, right?” she smirked at Blake.

“Please? Your food always cheers me up, and after the last month I’m kind of tapped on the junk food.”

“Now you’re just fighting dirty.”

“I would _never_ dream of using my breakup and your kindness to get a home-cooked meal. How dare you?” Blake had done just that. She would never have asked if she didn’t think it was an offer Yang had on the table. The last time they’d had dinner together, Yang had said that if Blake was buying, Yang was willing to cook any time. Though that had been before….

“What were you thinking of having? I don’t have my baking pan, so no casseroles.”

“Pasta?”

“The one with the fish?”

“The very same” Blake smiled over the pillow. Leave it to Yang to remember her favorite.

“Alright, twist my arm. Let me get some real clothes on, and we can walk to get the food.”

 

They chat as they walked to the grocery store, Yang making snapshot observations of drivers who passed along the way that had Blake’s cheeks and sides hurting by the time they walked through the automated doors.

“What kinda fish ya want in it this time?”

“Do you have to ask?”

“It's been a while, Blake, your tastes could have broadened since we last had dinner.”

“Nothing’s changed.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say that. You admitted you were down a lot faster than you used to. I’m kind of surprised you two broke up. You were...” Yang examined a packaged fish filet intently, looking as though she was seeking the answers for the universe. “good together. He was good for you.”

Yang’s smile never reached her eyes. When they’d met, Yang had been the first person Blake told about Sun. She’d complain about his carefree attitude making him hard to work with in class, how his loud personality would occasionally tire her out, and how he had the annoying ability to ask the most personal questions without seemingly realizing the weight of what he’d asked. Yang had listened carefully, as though Blake was telling her the plot of the world’s most enthralling novel. The longer she was around Sun, the more she warmed to him, her feelings eventually developing into what she considered to be a silly crush. Through all of it, Yang listened closely, asking questions to gain understanding and helping Blake come to terms with her feelings. When Blake tried to skip out on a night out dancing with Sun, Yang was there to convince her to go.

And she’d had fun. The night out was the catalyst her feelings for Sun needed to go from crush to full-blown attraction, and they’d dated ever since. Until a month ago, at least. When Blake called Yang crying, Yang was at her door in seconds, still in her pajamas despite the cooler night air. Yang had been her constant companion again, and a level of support she hadn’t known she’d need. All things considered, Blake had gotten over her break-up quickly. Any time she felt lonely, Yang was there. Any time she had the sudden urge to do something, Yang had accommodated her enthusiastically. Yang Yang Yang. Her time had been consumed by thoughts of Yang in the past month. Or perhaps longer.

“He said he felt like my heart wasn’t in it. He felt like my mind was always elsewhere.” He’d accused her of being in love with, or at least interested in, Yang and with a sad but supportive smile, he’d set her free.

“Where on Remnant could your mind be when you have Sun the shirtless ab wonder in front of you constantly?”

“He said with someone else.”

“Then _who_ could have distracted anyone from wholesome, sexy though occasionally stupid Sun?”

“Who indeed” Blake walked ahead of Yang, making her way toward the self-checkout stations with their cart.

“Aw come ooooon, I’m like, your best friend. If you can’t tell me then who can you tell?”

“It's just something he said, it's not a big deal, and it might not even be true.”

“OK, fair, but the way you’re acting tells me it might be.”

“Yang.”

“Just tell me.”

“Noone.”

“Pleeeeease.”

“Just drop it.” Blake snapped reflex washing into immediate regret. Yang’s expression didn’t falter.

“I get it, you like your mystery. I’ll wait until you’re ready to tell me.”

"It's not..." She trailed off as Yang moved her aside.

"Out of the way, this one's a freebie."

"Yang I can't ask you to pay and make dinner for me. Let me pay for it."

"Too late, and you didn't ask me, don't have to. I'm just doing something nice for my best friend." Yang grabbed the sack and moved toward the door. "Now hurry up, I'm starving."

Blake followed in a near daze. She was amazed at how Yang's smile could go from sad to genuine in such a swift shift. Sun had been perfect for her. He was easygoing, never pressured her for anything, always went with the flow, and he made it easy to open up. He was a Faunus to top it off. He was everything she could dream to have for herself after everything she'd been through. Too bad she was greedy. Sun just wasn't _enough_ for Blake. Of course, she dared to want more. Though she'd never been able to put her finger on it when she was with Sun. _He would_ be the one to bring it to her attention. She'd wrestled with her inner desire for months, even dismissing Yang's potential interest as Yang being a playful flirt, doing anything to get a rise out of her.

 But it hadn't been just a joke for Blake. Yang ignited wants and dreams in Blake she never had the right to have, and she'd done it with such ease how could it be anything but a joke? For Yang, her harmless flirts and genuine compliments had been nothing more than a friend being a playful friend, or that's what Blake constantly told herself.

"Hey, little miss broody-pants, you're going to miss the light if you don't hurry your cute butt up." Blake focussed on Yang, pulling herself out of her thoughts. Maybe it was a trick of the light, or her mind had fooled her, but at that moment, the way Yang looked at her was anything but friendly. The face Yang directed at Blake made her hope that maybe it wasn't just a game for her, either. The softness in her eyes, the set of her jaw, and the gentle smile Yang held for her sent Blake's stomach flipping, and her heart skipping.

Blake stopped. The pedestrian light changed, changed again and counted down. Still, they stood and stared at one another, Yang content to let Blake set her own pace.

Fortune favored the bold.

"Hey, Yang?"

"Hm?"

"When Sun accused me of having someone else on my mind?"

"Yeah?"

"It was you. Sun said my mind was never with him because it was always with you."

"Oh."

"Yeah..."

"Well, we'll cross that bridge when you sort it out. I'm not going anywhere."

Blake closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around Yang. She felt the canvas bag Yang carried bump against her back as Yang returned her hug.

"Thanks"

"Now, do you want to stay here hugging in the middle of the sidewalk, or do you wanna eat? I'm cool with either." Yang's stomach growled, breaking the tension of the moment as they both giggled.

"Something tells me you might not be as cool with it as you think." Yang laughed harder, reached down and took Blake's hand.

At that moment, Blake realized there was nothing to sort out. Sun had been right, and she could hear him gloat as she considered apologizing as she told him. She looked up at Yang again, who stared at the traffic light and was amazed she could ever deny she was in love with Yang.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Blake pulled into the driveway of Weiss’ very suburban house. Though not quite the penthouse suite she’d lived in after college, it was still the largest, newest, and most expensive on the block. Her pristinely manicured lawn stood out against the occasionally browning or unkempt ones of her neighbors.

“Ok Belladonna, you can do this. Just have dinner, smile, talk about work, avoid anything that pisses Yang off usually, and you can go back and hide at Sun’s.” She gave herself a pep talk in the sun visor mirror, then focussed more intently at herself. “Do not. Fall. For, Your fucking. Feelings.” While she’d seen Yang plenty of times since that night, it had been rushed with the task at hand. Just grabbing some clothes, just grabbing a book, just bringing the mail, just paying the rent. Every excuse she had for why she had to run away from Yang would fail her this time. They’d managed to avoid Weiss’ little dinner parties when a business trip took Weiss to Atlas for a few weeks, but time had run out for her. She hadn’t been in front of Yang for more than thirty minutes since the night she walked out, and they hadn’t been together for more than ten without fighting. The fighting she could avoid, she and Yang had plenty of practice fighting-without-fighting. Her problem was she didn’t trust herself to be so near Yang without wanting to cave instantly.

As she walked beyond the foyer and into the living room, she saw Yang lounging comfortably on Weiss’ couch, leaning back against the armrest, arm draped over the back. Everything about Yang screamed _home_ to Blake, from the comfortable jeans and t-shirt she wore to the open and inviting posture she often used whenever she was available for use as Blake’s own personal human pillow and heater. She looked like the many cold or stormy nights, curled up on the couch after a busy day, warm and comfortable. Whether they watched a movie together or Blake read a book, the feel of Yang beneath her on the couch was the real definition of peace to Blake.

“Hey babe, how was work?” When Yang smiled, Blake was utterly undone. The night would be torture on Blake’s resolve.

“It was a really long day, the usual, you know how it is.” She returned the smile and walked over to Yang, who stood to place a peck on her cheek.

“Blake! It’s been _way_ too long. What’ve you been up to?” Ruby’s enthusiasm pulled her away from her inner turmoil and toward the dining room.

“It has been too long, we really should get together more.”

“I would if my sister didn’t monopolize all your time and attention.”

“Oh, so sorry to hear my little sister misses my girlfriend so much more than me. Should I be worried?” Yang called from the kitchen, busying herself with helping Weiss plate prepared food onto serving dishes.

“Ew, no.”

“Gee thanks, Ruby.”

“No, not like that.”

Weiss and Yang entered the dining room, joining Blake in teasing Ruby for her slip up. They caught up as they ate, sharing stories of irritating board members, annoying attorneys trying to trick clients into settling, handsy bar patrons too big for their boots, and the day-to-day drudgery that filled police work. They settled into the comfort with each other, something they’d forged in difficult and happier times past. It should have been peaceful, but in Blake’s mind, the cliff’s edge still mocked her. With every easy sign of affection, every loving glance, and every small touch, Yang shattered another piece of Blake’s strength. It was too easy to slip back into old patterns. From Yang’s smile to the weight of her arm around Blake’s shoulders, she was pulled back further and further from the unknown.

Blake had once been afraid to plummet into the unknown, but with time and distance, she’d found change she’d never known she needed. She’d found freedom in Yang, and now she’d established it away from Yang. With every gesture, every glance, and every word Yang directed at her, she found herself wanting to get lost in Yang’s grip again. The wine glass in Yang’s other hand and how quickly it drained and refilled was the only thing keeping her from rushing back.

“So are you ever going to date? Like it’s cool if you want to live that single life, but I don’t think I’ve seen you go on more than a couple dates in the last five years. Don’t you want a companion?”

“I don’t need a companion, I have Weiss.”

“Ice queen doesn’t count.”

“Hey!” Weiss glared at Yang, though it lacked any real threat behind it.

“Now honey, I don’t think Ruby has to date any time soon if she’s content and busy at work.” Blake placed her hand over Yang’s and smiled at Ruby.

“Thank you, Blake. At least you understand.” Ruby huffed and went back to eating. In the few times, Blake was able to meet up with Ruby, she’d been made privy to a more profound frustration at Yang’s fixation on Ruby’s dating life. Though Yang never directly interfered, Ruby felt unnecessarily pressured by Yang’s insistence Ruby explore deeper into the dating world.

“Look, all I’m saying is when are you going to finally put yourself out there?” Yang’s tone was defensive, her hand moving away from Blake’s just a little too quickly.

“When are you going to stop pussyfooting and get married?” 

“That’s none of your business, for one. For another, we’re perfectly happy where we are.” Yang smirked at Blake, and her tone became combative. “Isn’t that right, _babe_.”

“Mm”

“You gonna agree with me here? Or are you just going to avoid the question?”

“What do you want me to say? Clearly Ruby doesn’t want to talk about this so let's just leave her alone about it and have a good night.”

“Sure, let's just run away from another fight, shall we?”

Blake stood abruptly, her chair nearly knocking over from the force. She stared at Yangon, whose mouth had dropped open as though she’d just realized what she’d said was wrong.

“Sorry Weiss, I just remembered something I need to take care of.” Blake stormed away from the table and toward the front door, nearly forgetting the coat she’d brought. As she stepped down the walkway toward the curb, she heard the front door open and shut.

“Blake! Blake, wait.” She stopped but didn’t turn around. “Yang’s a jerk, but you don’t have to leave.”

“I just can’t be around her right now. You know how she is when she drinks.” she flipped her keys idly, her fingers tracing over the front door key of her apartment.

“And how are we supposed to get her home?”

“Just have Ruby drop her off.”

“Are you just going to sit there in the living room until she gets there before you disappear to Sun’s again?” Blake finally turned around, all pretense forgotten as Weiss stood before her, chin defiantly in the air.

“How did you know?”

“Your car has the sticker for their parking lot, you enormous idiot” Weiss hugged Blake, pulling her close as she fell apart.

“It’s been a month, and none of this has gotten any easier. None of this makes sense but I can’t right now, I just can’t deal with it right now. I want to go.”

“Then go, just drive safe and text me when you get home. Don’t worry about Yang, Ruby knows too. We’ll make sure she’s safe tonight.”

Blake pulled away from the hug and looked at Weiss, wiping her nose on her sleeve. Weiss followed as she moved to her car and climbed in.

“And Blake? You don’t have to face this alone. You have friends you can lean on, with more than just somewhere to sleep.”

“I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

“And if you get tired of staying with the guys, my home is always open to you.”

Blake smiled and shut her door. As she started her engine, she gave Weiss a small wave. Her scroll buzzed in her pocket as Blake pulled out of the driveway, Yang’s pattern again. She pulled it from her pocket and tossed it carelessly into her handbag on the passenger seat. No more of Yang’s anger tonight. As she pulled up to a traffic light, a couple standing hand in hand at the corner caught her eye. They’d come far from the moment Blake realized she was in love with Yang to now when Blake was sure they’d never have a chance at that happiness again.

 

As the couple walked in front of her car, smiling with nothing but possibility ahead of them, Blake could only remember a time when she’d run toward Yang and not from her.

 

 


	5. How Yang Copes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to Unjax for his help on this chapter. When I was writing it, it had a word count closer to 8000 and I cut around 2000 words. I might post some of the scenes I end up cutting separately or on my Tumblr, I'm not sure honestly. They make for good warmups when I expand on them.

"Sorry Weiss, I just remembered something I need to take care of." Blake bolted from her chair and out of the room. Weiss glared at Yang, only chasing after Blake when Yang finally looked away. They heard the front door open and shut twice as Blake and Weiss left the house before Ruby finally spoke. 

"Seriously Yang, what the fuck?" she dropped her fork, letting it clatter loudly on her plate before leaning forward on the table. 

"What do you mean? I didn't do _anything_." 

"Didn't do anything? Yang do you even know what you said to her?" 

"What the hell do you know anyway? You've had what? One relationship? You don't know how this works, Ruby, so back off telling me how to treat _my_ girlfriend." 

"Maybe I don't know much about relationships, but I know if anyone talked to you the way you just talked to Blake, I'd be pissed. What the hell is the matter with you? I've _never_ heard you be so mean to her before." 

"Nothing's the matter, and this is nothing she hasn't heard before." Yang tipped her wineglass back, attempting to finish off her drink before a speedy getaway from the conversation she could feel coming on. Ruby stopped her, taking the glass from Yang's hand gently and setting it on the opposite end of the table. 

"That's my point. The way she reacted…Yang, she looked like you kicked her, but that's not what bothered me. What bothered me is that it looked like she was _used to it."_

"Yeah well, she's not the only one who got used to being hurt, but sure, take her side. What the fuck else is new? Everyone else left, you might as well too." 

"When did she leave?" 

"Excuse me?" 

"Blake, when did she move out?" 

"Since when did you know?" 

"Judging from how you've been acting, checking in at bars left and right, Blake not answering any of my messages, its got to have been around two, three weeks?" 

"A month ago, a little before Weiss left for her trip, Blake moved out to Sun's and hasn't come home since." 

"Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you tell me?" Ruby's tone was softer now, no longer admonishing and more compassion and concern. 

"Because my problems aren't yours to deal with. Your job is already stressful enough as it is. And I know you get lonely when Weiss is out of town. I didn't want to make you deal with all my shit on top of that." 

"Yang, you colossal idiot." 

"Yeah, sure, hey if you're going to keep insulting me can you at least let me have my drink back?" Yang pulled her scroll out and typed a message to Blake asking her to tell her when she got home and apologizing for how she'd acted. 

"It's not _dealing with your shit_. I'm your sister." 

"Yeah well, you have your own stuff going on, and I didn't think she'd stay away for so long, so sue me." 

Ruby didn't say anything else, she only moved over to Yang and slid her arm over Yang's shoulders. She squeezed and pressed the sides of their heads together. The front door opened and closed again, the click of Weiss' heeled boots ringing through the kitchen before she stepped into the dining room, leaning against the doorway and sighed deeply. 

"She's headed home, she'll text me when she gets there. We should probably call her tomorrow and get her out of the house, maybe get her talking." Weiss directed at Ruby, who only nodded. "And you." 

"What, you want to tear me down too?" Yang bristled. 

"Don't snap at her, this isn't Weiss' fault, Yang. Maybe try talking, I don't think it would kill you." Ruby stood and walked toward the stairs. "Let me know when you're ready to leave." 

"Don't sweat it; I can take myself home." 

"You-" 

"Enough!" Weiss moved to stand in front of Yang, her arms crossed and back rigid as she looked at Ruby. "You, go cool off for a bit, take a shower, take a nap, watch a movie, I don't care, just cool off, it's been a long day for all of us." 

"Alright," Ruby said as she moved up the stairs. 

"And you, what happened?" Weiss sat in Ruby's chair, meeting Yang head on from across the table. 

"We had a fight" Yang reached for her wine glass. 

"I can see that" Weiss took it out of her reach, dumping its contents into Ruby's glass and sipping from it. "I mean what specifically happened to make all this happen?" 

"We had a fight a month ago. Blake got upset and packed her bags. I didn't take her seriously, you know how she can be, those dramatic moods and doing things without thinking. Blake wouldn't tell me what was bugging her, just started complaining about _everything_. I tried to get her to talk, she wouldn't. Blake walked out and never came back." 

"And what have you done since then?" 

"What, you think I'm sitting around letting this just be? No. I call, I text, I show up at her work, I wait up almost all night for her. Weiss, I'm _trying._ " 

"And what else have you done? Have you been drinking?" 

"Yeah, but I don't see how that's related. So I want to take the edge off, can you blame me? My whole life just fell apart. You'd drink too." 

"Have you contacted her while you've been drinking?" 

"Well, I've been contacting her basically every hour since she left except when I'm working or asleep, so safe to assume I have." 

"You're both fucking dunces." 

"Wow, thanks." 

" _I'm in love with Yang Xiao Long._ Do you know when she told me that?" 

"Who knows, she didn't even know she loved me until…" Yang raised her arm, letting it glint off the light. 

"It was that day during midterms when you cooked for her for the first time since she'd started dating Sun." 

"What?" 

"Yang, when was the last time you went to meet with a therapist?" 

"What does that matter?" 

"Ok, then when was the last time you went a week without drinking?" 

"So it's been a while, I work in a _bar,_ and my job is _stressful._ " 

"When was the last date you took Blake on that wasn't a nightclub or bar?" 

"I get it." 

"Yang, have you asked her in the last year if she wants to get married?" 

"If that's what she wants then why doesn't she just-" 

"Yes, then why doesn't she just say something. Yang, She told me she was in love with you a full month before anything happened. She just sat on that knowledge. I think she was afraid of what could happen." Weiss steepled her fingers and placed her forehead against them. 

"Why didn't you say anything?" 

"Because it wasn't my place. Then guess what? She had _every reason_ to be afraid. For all your strength and need to protect her, she still had to watch you get hurt. She had to watch her whole world fall apart around her." 

"I'm well aware, she still hasn't grown up from all that." Yang scoffed. 

"She's not the only one acting immaturely." 

"The fu-" 

"You refuse to grow up and get real help. We can all see how much you still struggle, Yang. We understand why you still struggle, but that's not what frustrates us. That's not what keeps Ruby up late at night worrying about you. It's not what hurts Blake to watch. No, what frustrates us is to see the one person we have all always leaned on forget that she can lean on us too." 

"None of you were there after it happened. None of you were there when I had to wake up after losing _everything_ I wanted for myself. I picked myself up after that, why would I need _anyone_ after that?" Her prosthetic hand flexed into a fist, as she narrowed her eyes to stare down Weiss. 

"Yang, I'm sorry you had to be alone. It's not something any of us wanted. You know as well as I do we all would have been there when you woke up in the hospital if we could." She reached across the table to place her hand on Yang's closed fist. 

"Weiss, I needed you guys. I needed her. When she wasn't there, I realized I could never rely on her to be as invested as I was. I get it, I wasn't important in the grand scheme. When she came back…" Yang wiped the tear that slipped down her cheek. "When she came back, I was happy to have her at all. She was back, and she wanted to try to fix it, to try being together, I was so happy I couldn't ask her for more. Even if I wanted more, I knew I had to wait for her to want more." 

"Is that what you really think? That you weren't important to her?" 

"What else am I supposed to think?" 

"That's up to her to tell you." 

"Well, I would if she would _just be honest with me."_

"She's afraid." 

"And I _hate_ him for what he did to her. More than I do for what he did to me." Yang sat in a daze, cataloging every reflex she could trace back to Adam and everything he'd done to Blake. Every fight or flight response, every censored thought, Yang knew where it came from. She didn't need more than her Psych 101 knowledge to know conditioned responses when she saw them. Adam had made Blake afraid to be Blake, and no amount of love or gentle care from Yang would change that. A chill settled in Yang's spine, realizing she hadn't been much better, all things considered. At one time she had more patience for Blake and her dodgy nature, compared to then, it was nonexistent. 

* * *

"I'm just going to the gym for a little bit, I've been feeling kind of restless lately." Yang fumbled the gym bag in her hand, pushing her scroll harder to her cheek with her shoulder. Fighting the magnetic door in the lobby of Weiss' off-campus apartment had been hard without the added complication of carrying her gym bag, now it was near impossible. The fact that one of her hands was a new _thing_ only made it more difficult. 

"Just be careful, don't push too hard. You're still adjusting." Weiss warned on the other end of the line. "I don't want you to pull a muscle, or worse, damage the prosthetic. It's a prototype, and I had to pull a lot of strings to get it to you. Not to mention expensive." 

"Ice Queen _chill_ ," Weiss groaned, "I'm not going to push too hard. Some squats, maybe a run, a little mobility. I can't hang out in your penthouse forever, and since I'm not going back to school-" 

"You're not _what_?!" 

"I need to build my endurance so I can get a job." 

"Whatever, we'll talk later. Be safe." 

"Yeah, you too Frosty." Yang hung up her scroll and unlocked the door. She lifted her bag as the door opened and she headed out toward the street. She greeted neighbors as she passed, smiling at a young boy as he orbited his parents in excitement over a movie they'd just watched. The entire world seemed to have changed around her, but on this quiet street in Haven, a city Weiss _insisted_ had a hospital with the best occupational and recovery therapy money could buy, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. In Vale, buildings had fallen and an entire school evacuated and left to be rebuilt following a devastating event, but in Haven, everything moved forward as though nothing had happened. 

When Yang had shown up at the rundown motel her mother lived and worked out of, she hadn't expected to find a runaway Weiss, seeking information like Yang. She didn't really know what to expect, but Weiss was definitely not it. They traveled together on the information they'd received about Ruby's whereabouts, and the rest was history. The whole gang was back together again. Anyone who _wanted_ to be there, anyway. 

Yang hadn't seen or heard from Blake since that night. There were the occasional news stories that caught Yang's interest related to the White Fang and political leaders with suspiciously familiar names, but not much else. No calls, no texts, no emails, no letters. Yang had spent months recovering from the hell that was amputation. Some days her shoulder ached, others, she felt tingling in a wrist she didn't have anymore. The worst days were the ones she was groggy from lost sleep or lethargic no matter how much she slept. 

No one ever mentioned Blake in front of her, the one time Ruby had made a mistake, Weiss was there to help her sort her thoughts out. "It's a complicated thing" Yang had overheard her one night. It wasn't that Yang didn't miss Blake, the worn out polaroid she carried in her pocket was proof enough. She _wanted to see_ Blake. A lot. The problem was that Blake didn't seem to miss her at all. 

When Yang had woken up, regained her senses, and been filled in on what had happened by Sun before he disappeared too, her first instinct was to call Blake. She called and texted every day, then every other day, then once a week. It had been 3 months since Yang had last tried calling or texting. Yang still held out hope, though. She scanned every article about Faunus for the names "Belladonna" or "Taurus" on the off chance one had been too sloppy and given themselves away. Still, nothing. 

She'd reached the gym. Yang didn't remember the various crosswalks and side streets she'd taken to get there. A good workout would clear her mind, center her, give her the focus she needed to find work until Ruby's voluntary service took them to some other place in the world. Yang would get into working shape and stop needing physical therapy, and then they'd all follow Ruby wherever she took them. The whole gang had followed her. Everyone except one person. 

Yang worked on her balance and mobility before moving on to basic strength exercises, focusing intently on the movements to take her mind off of everything that chased her in quiet moments alone. With training, all she needed to focus on was her form and counting. One. Two. Three. Go until you reach twenty. Rest. Repeat. It was the closest to meditation she'd ever gotten. Yang had trouble with stillness and being just present. Yang was proactive, not reflective. Half an hour later and she was covered in a light sheen of sweat, her arm burned, sufficiently worked out. Amputations were nutty like that; the doctor called them Phantom Sensations, ghosts of the limb she'd lost. 

Yang flexed in the mirror of the locker room. No matter how many times she saw the prosthetic, it still never felt like a part of her. In fact, she felt the same whether she wore it or not, something always felt _missing._ Yang wore the prosthetic without complaint, it did manage to make her life closer to normal, but it felt hollow. A piece of her was gone and gaining the best Atlas tech Schnee money and military influence could buy had done nothing for that empty feeling. 

If Yang were still for too long, she would come close to putting a name to what she felt; a name she purposefully avoided at all cost. Weiss and Ruby had _tried_ to get her to talk about _her_ , mentioning her here or there, whenever they'd reminisce about their time at Beacon. Yang always found excuses to leave, and the one time she couldn't, and Weiss cornered her, it had been too much for Yang. That night, Yang dreamt of gold eyes, flowing black hair, and a smoky voice calling out to her. 

Yang preferred the nightmares over dreaming of Blake. In them, she was chased by a masked monster with red hair, explosions, fire, and incredible pain that typically woke her up. In her dreams of Blake, she was always the one chasing, a few steps behind, too slow to catch the smiling face she missed so much. They always started pleasantly, filling her with a warmth she hadn't felt since before that night. In them, she'd nearly confess her feelings, and Blake would always stand and walk away, calling Yang to follow. Yang would wake with a terrible emptiness. She'd had one of those dreams last night. Avoiding talking about her made the dreams come less frequently, but they never really stopped. Like her dreams about Adam, anything could bring them on. For Adam, smoke, fire, and loud bangs would summon him. For Blake, any happy thing would remind her. 

Cooking, books, photos, weather. 

Anything. 

Yang walked out of the locker room, clean and ready to destroy the fastest meal she could get in front of her when her scroll rang. 

"Sup Ruby." 

"Yang I'm off patrol early, you wanna come to meet Weiss and me for Lunch?" 

When Yang arrived, they debated their options, Weiss eventually winning by offering to pay for their meals if she could pick. Yang had long since stopped questioning Weiss' offers to pay. Though she'd initially had questions for the _former_ heiress, Weiss always avoided the topic of just _where_ her money came from. Yang understood how it felt to have her own secrets, so she'd stopped pressing the issue, even if Weiss paying for everything with stacks of cash rather than using cards or checks made her look like a drug dealer. 

"How was the gym?" Weiss asked. 

"Not terrible, I feel like I'm finally ready to go back to work. I'm going crazy sitting in your apartment all day." 

"You could always get a hobby." 

"Like what, exactly?" Yang laughed. Weiss' face became severe, running through countless options in her mind in a snap second, no doubt. 

"Considering the only thing I could see you doing is cage fighting, maybe work is the best option." 

"What do you think you could do?" Ruby asked around her mouthful of burger. 

"I know a little bartending and kitchen stuff, but with my arm, I don't know if I could do it, honestly." 

"You cook just fine at home." 

"Yes Ruby, but she might seem like a hazard to a manager," Weiss explained. 

"Pfft, that's dumb. Hey, I'm getting a refill, you guys want anything?" Yang and Weiss shook their heads, and Ruby walked to the counter with her drink cup in hand. 

"I would kill to have her perspective," Weiss said. 

"She's an odd duck, but she's a good one." Yang agreed. 

"If there were more people like her in the world, we wouldn't have to have this conversation to begin with." 

"Hey did you know refills are _free_. How wi-" A blast shook through the food court, sending Ruby's drink flying and students into a frenzy. Yang stood and followed Ruby to help those who'd been closest to the explosion while Weiss dialed emergency services on her scroll, giving descriptions of the explosion and the exact location in the food court. 

"Are they seriously attacking here too?" Yang growled in frustration. 

"I don't think they're ever going to stop," Ruby said gravely. 

Another blast shook them from their right. Of all the places she could be, Blake Belladonna stood in front of Yang across the destroyed food court. 

"Blake." 

"Yang." 

When all the injured had been cleared, and the White Fang in custody, Blake and Yang stood facing one another, mere feet away. 

"Yang, I…" 

"What are you doing here, Blake?" Ruby asked. 

"Well, that's a long story." 

Yang did her best to remain optimistic, to be the person she was before everything had happened, but the new Yang would peek out in the most inconvenient times. Sometimes it was at the gym during therapy, and other times it was while talking to old friends. No matter the reason, Yang was finding it harder and harder to hide how she felt. It finally came to a head one night in an old house Weiss rented for them during Ruby's, and now Blake's, next assignment. 

Yang sat alone in the old garage, cleaning and rebuilding the carburetor of some old farming tractor. She'd never planned on using it, but it was something, anything, to do. 

A busy mind was a happy mind. 

When the door opened, she'd expected Ruby or Weiss coming to remind her that dinner had passed and lights out was approaching quickly. Instead, she'd seen Blake hesitantly peeking through the opened door, waiting for permission to enter from Yang. 

"Shouldn't you be sleeping? We're leaving early." 

"I could say the same to you. What're you working on?" 

"Just a little project I took on when we got here. I thought it would be nice to get it running before we left." 

"Sounds like fun." 

"Keeps me busy." 

"Getting a little restless?" 

"You could say that...Actually, no, that's not really it. I feel...useless." 

Blake sat down next to Yang, her back against the tractor to face Yang. 

"I wouldn't call you useless, you do plenty. 

"But they won't let me join like you and Ruby. Even if they did, I don't know if I could." 

"Sure you could, I've watched you work and spar, you've really taken to the…" she nodded toward the prosthetic on Yang's arm. 

"Oh, _this_ " Yang raised her metallic hand up and flexed the fingers. "if I focused it was as easy as learning to ride a bike." she looked down at the ground, the butterfly mechanisms forgotten and shoved aside. Blake waited silently for Yang to find her word. 

" _This_ ," Yang tapped her temple. "is the hard part." 

"I understand." 

"I still have nightmares, I still see him sometimes. I see what he did to me, what he did to _us_." 

"I do too." 

"Do you? Because you know what else I see?" Yang's mask began to crack, everything she'd held back since Blake returned began to bubble to the surface. 

"What?" 

"I see you. Leaving. I see you decided I wasn't good enough or worth your time so I see you running away because I know that no matter how hard I tried, I was _never_ good enough before, and I'm definitely not now." 

Blake didn't say anything, only sat there with that same stupid shocked face. 

"it's fine, I get it. I wasn't good enough when I was whole. Now that I'm damaged goods, who would want me. Sure, Ruby says she does, but she left too. Weiss only needs me for the data on this _stupid_ fucking thing." She rubbed the shining metal of her arm roughly. 

"That's not true," Blake whispered. 

"If it wasn't true, then why did all of you leave me behind?" 

"No, Yang, you don't understand. I _had_ to leave. I had to protect you." 

"Yeah, sure. I'm so weak I needed to be protected. It's why you didn't want to stick around." Yang laughed bitterly. 

"No, Yang-" 

"Enough, ok? Just, it's enough. I get it, you don't have to explain yourself." Yang stood and headed to leave. 

"I was in love with him once." Yang stopped just before she reached the door and turned around. 

"You what?" 

"With Adam. He's the one who hurt me." Blake wrung her hands and folded in on herself. 

"So, the guy who talked you into the White Fang?" 

"It was him. I met him when I was very young, our parents were in the protests, before they- _we_ started getting violent." 

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" 

"I didn't want to lose you." 

"Blake, I could never…" 

"Just hear me out, ok? You can keep hating me after, just...hear me out?" Blake met her gaze, hopefully, the same expression she used to make whenever she wanted Yang to stay in with her when she wasn't feeling like socializing. 

"OK. Ok, I'll listen." 

"He was a little older than me, but he'd look out for me anytime a protest went south. When he joined the group taking more _extreme_ steps, he'd been the one to justify it to me as a necessary evil. He said we wouldn't kill anyone, and we'd try to avoid hurting them. We were only there to hit them where it hurt most; their wallets. 

"We started robbing shipments, nothing big, but then they started placing security and guards on the loads. At first, we'd work around them, then incapacitate. Then Adam began killing them. He'd make excuses or justify it saying it was necessary, that he needed to, to protect us. Then he just looked like he enjoyed himself." Blake shivered and pulled her coat closer around her. 

"Any time I disagreed, any time I went against him, I faced him instead. Yang, he did _terrible_ things to all of us, but he saved his worst for me. And he always blamed me." Blake wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing bruises that had long since healed, leaving their memory behind. Yang reached out to her. 

"No, no please, I need to get this out now. If I don't, I don't know if I'll ever be able to. But you deserve to know." She stood straighter, grounding herself there. 

"Ok, say what you need to, but you don't have to push yourself. We'll be ok, eventually." 

"No, I..I don't want to just be _OK_ , Yang. That's why I need to stop running from you, I need to tell you everything." 

"I don't know if I can be more than just okay with you, but I'm willing to listen." 

"It wasn't just the things he did. He hurt me, a lot, but it usually ended soon enough. If I laid still, protected myself, I was fine. It was the things he said that stayed longer than any cuts or bruises. He made me feel worthless, like the only value I had was when I stood next to him. He made me feel like...he made me _think_ no one, not my family, not my friends, not even the White Fang, wanted me. He became my entire world, and I believed him. I let him drag me down until I was nothing but what he wanted me to be. I was young, I wanted to make the world a better place for Faunus, but all I did was end up a slave to his whims." 

She shed silent tears as she told Yang about how time after time Adam had made her feel small or insignificant to the point she needed a way out, one way or another. She told Yang how she contemplated death or escape, how she finally escaped, laying low for a couple years before finally deciding to come out of hiding to get an education. Through it all, Yang listened just as she had before. 

"He's why I chose my major, by the time I realized I was in too deep he offered the only place I could go. I thought I couldn't go home, Adam was the only home I'd known since I ran away with him." 

"Do you think he tracked you down?" Yang asked softly. 

"He never stopped keeping track of me, but he didn't pick Beacon for the attack. He knew I was there and saw his opportunity." 

"Then why did you go after him by yourself?" 

"I didn't, I just sort of ran into him. He's too dangerous to try to stop alone." 

"Then why did you go alone after?" 

"I didn't, I left because…because he told me he'd destroy everything I loved." 

"So you left to warn your parents?" 

"No, Yang. I left so he'd follow me. To get him away from you." Blake approached Yang and took her prosthetic hand. "He said he'd destroy everything I loved, starting with _you_." 

"Did he think we-" 

"I looked at you, just once, and he _knew_. Yang, I…I'm in love with you." 

Yang's mouth fell open, and her eyes widened. 

"I-I'm not expecting anything, not after everything, but you should know. Adam targeted you and will keep doing so because of how I feel about you." 

Yang blinked, the gears turning so quickly in her head she was redlining. Of all the possibilities for _why_ Blake had left her behind, sometimes accepted painfully, Blake loving her was never one. Yang had long since come to terms with the fact that Blake just didn't feel the same way about her. She was fine with being her best friend, so long as Blake was a long term part of her life. Until the attack on Beacon, it was all she'd hoped for. 

Everything had changed. When Blake came back, Yang was happy just to be near her again. She swallowed her pride and avoided Blake whenever she felt snappy or in pain. Yang watched Blake, almost all the time, always aware of where Blake was. Yang had found a gentle balance, one that allowed her to be the friend Blake needed without allowing her real feelings to surface again. Yang had found comfort in her acceptance, just like with her arm. She was happy just to have Blake back, and it was more than she really deserved. In that moment, she allowed herself something she avoided since the attack: hope. 

"I know you probably don't feel the same way about me, and I'm fine with that. Let me stay close to you, things don't seem so bleak when you're around." Blake lifted her hand and kissed the knuckles. "That's all I ask." 

She began to turn around, and squeezed Yang's hand one last time, gently, before letting it go. Yang realized her chance was now or never and reached for Blake's wrist. 

"You haven't let me respond, like, at all yet." She softened her face and pulled Blake closer. "Aren't you supposed to be curious?" 

"I'm not terribly fond of the idea of being killed." They laughed together as Yang closed the distance. Just a few weeks before, Yang wasn't even sure she whether or not she hated Blake, the thought of whether or not she was still in love with her was beyond Yang. Yet here she was, seeing nothing but possibility in Blake's gold eyes. 

"Huh, I just figured it out," Yang said, her face moving closer still to Blake's. 

"Figured what out?" Blake breathed against Yang's chin. 

"That _I'm_ still in love with _you_ ," Yang said breathlessly, before finally closing the gap and losing herself in Blake. 

* * *

"Ruby wants to know if you have a special space in the parking garage or if she can pick any spot," Weiss asked as Yang climbed out of the car. 

"There's special parking by the stairwells, tell her to park there if she can." Yang was grateful for the motorcycle lessons Ruby had begged her for. With her bike home, Yang wouldn't have to get up so early to retrieve it before work. That meant she didn't have to get to bed soon. If she could sleep, anyway. Maybe she'd have a drink first. 

"She said she'll meet you by the elevator to give you the keys." Weiss tucked her scroll away and leveled Yang with an uncompromising look. "Lay off the bottle tonight, you were already enough of a jerk, and don't you work tomorrow?" 

"Relax, I don't work until later." 

"Be that as it may, don't drunk text her. You both need a break, get some sleep, watch a movie, read a book, I don't care. Just leave. Her. Alone." Weiss jabbed her finger into Yang's shoulder to punctuate every word. 

"No promises, but I'll try. It's kind of hard to ignore someone who makes up like 80% of your life." 

"You lived like 17 years before you met her, make due for _one_ night." Weiss hugged Yang. "And take care of yourself, no point in being miserable. We're here to listen if you need someone to talk to." 

"Thanks, Weiss, I'll try." 

"Now hurry up before your sister gets antsy and wanders off." Weiss shoved Yang toward the door. Yang waved goodbye and walked into the glass doors of the lobby. Ruby waited patiently near the elevator, twirling Yang's keys on her finger. 

"Did you tune it recently? Feels like it has a little more power. Around four thousand RPMs." 

"That would be the new turbo I'm playing with. Blake is...not a fan." 

"She's just looking out for you, we all are. Try to go a little easier on her." Ruby tossed the keys to Yang and gave her a small hug before heading out the double doors. Yang pressed the elevator button and sent Blake a message that she'd made it home safely, apologized again for how she'd acted, and told Blake she loved her. Blake hadn't opened any of them since dinner. 

Yang walked in, kicked her shoes off at the door, and threw her keys on the counter. She headed into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of cheap whiskey she had tucked away in the freezer and poured herself a glass. Blake had a knack for getting under Yang's skin in the worst ways, but Yang also had a talent for blaming Blake for things she didn't exactly have control over. Patience had gone a long way back in the beginning. As they grew closer, however, Yang found it harder and harder to excuse Blake's knee-jerk reactions and silence. Especially during times she _needed_ Blake to tell her what she needed to do to help. 

Yang downed her glass in one gulp and poured another as she walked into the living room and plopped herself on the couch, placed the bottle onto the coffee table, and stretched her legs out underneath it. Blake was always more open with Yang than anyone else, except for Sun. Blake insisted that Sun only knew the things she _couldn't_ talk to Yang about, she knew better. Yang didn't _dislike_ Sun, but she always felt like he had parts of Blake she never would. 

She drank half her glass and tousled her hair in the back. Sun dated Blake first, along with a few other things Yang decidedly didn't think about. He was with her after the attack on Beacon when she'd run away. He'd known any time they fought and sometimes knew why before Yang did. Sun knew Blake was a Faunus before Yang. He'd even known about Adam first. He met her parents first. Right now, Sun was the only person Blake saw regularly, he was the one she lived with, he was the one who she confided in. Yang finished her drink. 

Pouring another glass, Yang pulled out her phone and checked her messages. Blake still hadn't read them, though Weiss had been kind enough to inform her Blake had made it back to Sun's safely. 'Blake made it home safely, she said she's turning her phone off' was Weiss' _exact_ message, but Yang refused to call anything but their apartment home for Blake or her. Sun was already… 

Yang finished her glass and reached to pour another. She stared at the open bottle. 

_Yang, honey, please, just slow down._

_Let's stick to wine and beer tonight._

_How many have you had? Have some water between drinks._

_How much have you eaten today?_

_Maybe we could skip drinking tonight._

Yang capped the whiskey and left it on the coffee table. She leaned back against the sofa and sighed. First Blake left her all alone, wrecked her sleep, and now she was making it impossible for Yang to catch a good buzz without any guilt. Yang knew she wasn't entirely fair to Blake, logically anyway, just as she knew Sun was nothing more than a friend to both of them. In the heat of the moment, logic rarely mattered. When Yang was like this, Blake was a constant reminder of how weak she could be. Blake had seen and overcome far worse tragedies in her life, and Yang felt _weak_ when she saw how well adjusted she'd become despite everything. Yang strove to be the strength Blake seemed to see in her. 

Sun was everything she could have been. Before, she'd been near as laid back as Sun. She liked to think she was a good balance between Blake's painful past and Sun. She lived every day as though it was a new adventure, working toward her future but never really knowing what her tomorrows would bring. She was untouchable, she was young, she was beautiful, and she had the entire world in the palm of her hand. When she'd lost her arm, she'd lost the luxury of a peaceful life, away from the problems of the world. .When she'd lost Blake the first time, she'd lost the self-assurance she needed to be who Blake thought she was. 

Yang laid down as the room started spinning. Her decision to drink four large glasses of whiskey back-to-back no longer agreed with her. 

Yang tried to be who Blake needed her to be. Fake it 'til you make it had always been her motto when she wasn't sure of her abilities, and it usually worked in her favor. Like anything else, she could overcome it, everyone who asked her about therapy had either overestimated her problems or underestimated Yang. She wasn't sick, she just needed a break and a chance. She could be the person Blake loved and needed, she only needed another chance and a little more time. 

As Yang slipped into her restless sleep, she was filled with thoughts of gold eyes, coming home where they belonged and a smile she cherished more than any sunrise. 


	6. How Blake Hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost, let me warn you that this chapter was challenging to write. The warnings have been updated to reflect the content, but I'll reiterate here that there's sexual content. It's not enjoyable, but it's something I need to write to tell my story. Sorry about the delay, this chapter was the only one left unfinished when I was done writing this story out. Stick with me; things will start to turn around soon, I promise. 
> 
> Thanks again to Unjax, who helped me with grammar and getting my message and theming across, and also acted as a great friend and helped me get out of my head after writing it.

Today was beyond a _bad day_ for Blake. In fact, it was one of _the_ worst days she'd experienced in some time. Not only had one of her clients taken a plea deal she'd strictly advised _against_ , but he'd also done so without having her present. Sure, she'd get him out in due time, but the paperwork and court proceedings would be a nightmare. By the time she could get him released from custody, he'd likely lose his job and one of his conditions of release. Back to jail, he'd go. 

Bad moods when alone were always more difficult to deal with. She had to force herself to take care of her needs like cooking, cleaning, and running errands. One thing she'd always appreciated about Yang was how supportive she could be when Blake had days like today. If she and Yang were still living together, she'd call Yang just to hear her voice. She'd tell Yang about her day, and about how frustrated she was. Yang would offer to take a day off, something Blake rarely accepted but today was a special case. She'd come home to a clean house and her favorite meal sitting on the table. She'd have a hot bath steaming and foaming with bubbles, a glass of wine resting on the rim of the tub. Blake wouldn't have to do a thing. 

Yang would take her to the bed where she'd see candles waiting to be lit. Yang would turn on her favorite music and massage her until all the tension from the day would melt away. Just as Blake was at her most relaxed, Yang would make love to her until they fell asleep in each other's arms. 

To Blake, it didn't _really_ matter that they didn't usually make love, they fucked. Really, all she needed some some release. Sometimes, Yang would skip the cleaning, the dinner, the pampering, and massage and go right for fucking Blake until she was too exhausted to care about anything that may have upset her throughout the day. 

Blake couldn't exactly _complain_ about their sex lives, they'd been plenty amorous for a couple who'd only had each other for ten years. Usually, it was full of passion, desire, and a need for one another, but sometimes it was more about getting off and less about being close. Yang would attack her body like she held a clipboard with a checklist titled "How to Fuck Blake." On those days, Blake never really felt like Yang was there with her, her mind seemed so far away, and if she'd had the chance to look at Yang's face, it was usually neutral and her eyes unfocused. 

Blake's scroll pinged, startling her out of her thoughts, a distinct vibration pattern filling her with dread. 

'Hey, we should hook up.' Yang always had the _worst_ timing, just in time to ruin Blake's shaky resolve she'd built up over the last three months since she'd seen Yang. Just as Blake moved to reply, her scroll began to ring, Yang's face lighting up the screen. She let it ring once, knowing she shouldn't answer. Another ring, and giving in for _just one_ night didn't seem so bad. On the third ring, Blake remembered how sex tended to complicate _everything_ between Yang and her. On the final ring, Blake made her decision, this could be her last chance for another night of Yang's special brand of stress relief, afterall. 

"Hello?" 

"Hey, did you get my message? Service sucks in here." Blake could hear music and conversation in the background. 

"Yes, just now. Yang, why are-" 

"Hold on, I'm having trouble hearing you, let me go outside." Blake waited and listened as Yang made her way through a crowd and moved to a quieter location, the sound of passing cars making its way through the microphone. "Is that better?" 

"That depends, can you hear me now?" 

"Instant improvement. Hey babe, did you read my text?" 

"Yang, why are you even asking me this? We've barely spoken in months." 

"Because I had a rough week, it's been a while, I'm horny, and do you really want me getting it somewhere else?" Blake fell silent. She was taken aback by the audacity of Yang's request but, Yang made a good point, she didn't want anyone else satisfying Yang's needs. Now that she knew Yang was going to be sated, with or without her, Blake felt nearly obligated. Of course, if she was honest with herself… 

"Have you been drinking?" 

"Just one with some coworkers. I'm actually done drinking, for now, just not feeling it." 

"Do you need a ride?" 

"Yeah, I kind of rode along with them. Think you can meet me here? If not it's cool, I can walk. I'm at that bar a few blocks from the house." 

"Give me thirty minutes to wrap up, and I'll be there to get you and take you home." 

"Does that mean you're taking me up on my offer?" 

"Well, that all depends." 

"On?" 

"You, mostly, and how you behave while I take you home." Blake's voice dipped lower than she'd intended, coming out far too breathy for her liking 

"So be on my worst behavior, got it." Blake could hear the smirk in Yang's words. 

"Be ready in thirty minutes." Blake hung up, not trusting herself to stay strong and avoid caving in immediately. Blake knew she'd likely cave anyway, but if she made Yang work for it, she might luck out and frustrate Yang to the point she could leave their apartment as quickly as possible. If she didn't, at least she'd have some stress relief and could go home slightly more relaxed. 

When Blake pulled in to the parking lot, she found Yang leaning against the outer wall of the Bar, smiling down at her scroll and occasionally greeting people as they left and entered the establishment. She'd been dressed for a night out, her dark, fitted jeans and distressed leather jacket a reminder of the various casual dates they'd shared over the years. She pulled up to the curb and rolled her window down. 

"Hey." 

"Hey!" Yang slipped into Blake's car and quickly latched the seatbelt. "I was starting to worry you'd changed your mind." 

"I said I'd pick you up, didn't I?" Blake pulled out onto the main road and headed toward their apartment. 

"Yeah, but you took a long time." 

"I was early, it's only been twenty minutes." 

"Lie to me some more." 

Blake glanced at Yang in her periphery. Seeing the smile on Yang's face relaxed her, but did nothing to calm the question of just _how much_ Yang had to drink. 

"So why now?" 

"I told you why. I had a rough week, I'm horny and it been a while. Plus, I miss you. I know I was a jackass last time, but you somehow found a way to completely ghost me while still showing up at our house." 

"I figured you'd needed some space from me, I know I did from you. This whole thing isn't easy on either of us. And" Blake placed the car in park and met Yang's eyes for a moment. "I missed you too." 

"Feels good to know that, I thought it was just me." 

"I miss you all the time. Usually at night, when I'm alone in my thoughts." Blake followed Yang as she headed down the hallway toward their apartment. 

"Yeah well, you're not the one who has to stare at our happy faces any time they're at home." 

"Oh, is that right?" Blake showed Yang her locked scroll, their tenth-anniversary picture still left unchanged. 

"Ouch, at least my pictures are old enough I can kind of distance myself." Yang fumbled her keys for a moment before unlocking the door. 

"It's a good picture." Blake shut the door behind her and removed her coat, draping it over the back of the couch. 

"It is, you should send it to me. So listen," she leaned against the refrigerator as Blake stood in the kitchen doorway, "Are we doing this or not?" 

"Are you sure it's a good idea?" 

"No, in fact, I'm sure it's a terrible idea. I just need one night as a reminder of how much I love you." 

"Why though? It seems kind of foolish." 

"Have you dated anyone else since you moved out?" Yang's expression became melancholy, worry pinching her brows together. 

"Have you?" 

"I asked first." 

"No, I just couldn't bring myself to. No matter how hard I would try to force myself to, my heart was never in it." Blake looked away. "Have you?" 

"No, I wasn't really looking. I tried to find hookups some nights, but I just couldn't go through with it." 

They sat in silence for the rest of the ride, Yang occasionally changed the song and sang along. Blake hated how well Yang could hold her composure when she drank, seemingly sober until going beyond her limit. Yang could be eight drinks deep for all Blake knew, but she couldn't say unless Yang told her. When they'd lived together, Yang had developed a rigorous system to hide her drinking from those around her. When their friends shifted from praising Yang for day drinking to questioning her, she'd found a way to mask the smell. When Blake was around her every day, she could feel the subtle shifts in Yang's behavior, sometimes it was something as small as the way Yang phrased things, and sometimes it was her more sensitive attitude and irritability. 

As Blake pulled into the garage of their apartment, she carefully watched Yang and wondered if perhaps the smile on Yang's face had less to do with the prospect of sex, and more to do with how much she'd really had to drink. Blake wanted to ask her again, especially after Yang fumbled her keys while unlocking the door, but she'd asked already and didn't want a fight, not after her day. It was better she kept the mood lively, she wasn't going home soon anyway. 

She looked around the apartment, expecting the small, disorganized mess she'd come to associate with Yang. 

"You cleaned." 

"Yeah, it wasn't like I was expecting anyone, but when you left, I realized someone had to do it and I never really pulled my weight. I can make a pretty big mess if I don't keep up on things." She headed toward the hallway. "Keep yourself entertained for a bit, I need the restroom and a shower." 

Yang kissed her on the lips, slow and smoldering and full of promise. Blake shuddered in delight. She could feel her spine tingle from the base of her skull to the small of her back, her mind going blank and making her forget why she'd left in the first place. Blake checked the liquor cupboard and fridge to make herself a drink and found nothing. She peeked into the trashcan and noticed it was missing any empty bottles of beer or whiskey. Sure, Yang's drinking often got out of hand, once she had a sip it was over, she'd never stop. Either Yang had cleaned out the cupboard and fridge before emptying her trash, or she'd stopped drinking at home. 

Between the clean house and lack of alcohol, Blake wondered if she should ever leave. She sat with a water bottle on the couch and removed her shoes. She inhaled the smell as it wafted from the cushions. She'd missed it, a mix of Yang's shampoo and body wash always set her mind at ease. She lifted a throw pillow and buried her face in it. Why was she torturing herself with the distance when every part of her was screaming that this was home, this was what was right. 

The shower turned off, and she set the pillow aside. The sound of the bathroom door opening was her only warning before Yang pressed her into the couch with a sloppy kiss. Being accosted by Yang filled Blake with shivers and made her heart race. Being confronted by a sloppy drunk Yang sobered Blake's mind and cooled her heat before they even got started. Adjusting her own lips, she tried to save the mood and steady Yang, aiming for more of that smolder and less of this desperation. 

She was lifted off the couch and instinctually wrapped her legs around Yang's waist, her efforts in vain as Yang pushed farther, rushing. She was pressed against the closed bedroom door as Yang's hand climbed up her shirt and began groping roughly. 

"Let's slow down," she said, between kisses. "We have all night to enjoy each other." 

Her request went unanswered as Yang bit her lip and kissed her way down Blakes jaw to nip at her ear and collarbone. Yang's hand slipped under her bra and squeezed roughly once again. 

"Yang honey, not so rough, let's take it slower, it been a while." 

She was lifted again. The bedroom door opened and she was dropped carelessly to the bed. She spared a glimpse at Yang, and a wave of heat flooded her at the hungry look in Yang's eyes. Her shirt was pulled over her head before she had any time to adjust, Yang's lips back on her kissing and nipping roughly. Blake had hoped for a slow and passionate affair, but the lustful way Yang's tongue worked in her mouth caught and killed any and all protests she'd tried to hedge. Her bra was unhooked, forcefully and clumsily, and thrown from her. Things were looking more like a mad dash to the finish, leaving Yang's first smoldering kiss a check uncashed. 

Something felt missing. Blake was less than excited regardless of Yang's enthusiasm, her kisses rapidly losing their intensity. She'd hoped Yang would pick up on her tension, maybe even understand what she'd wanted from her requests to slow down. Yang pushed on, leaving a bite mark on Blake's stomach, unaware of Blake's extinguishing heat. Yang only had fucking on her mind, and she was set on fucking Blake. Blake's body may have been the focus, but Blake barely played any role at all in Yang's current fantasy. 

As her pants and underwear were pulled off together, she leaned back on her elbows and prepared for what she knew was coming next, trying to focus on the wild curl of Yang's hair, the smell of her shampoo on the pillows, and the warmth of Yang's skin. 

"You've missed this, haven't you? You miss when I throw you around like this." Yang husked as her hands slid between Blake's folds. Blake was far from wet enough, and the feel of Yang's index finger as it pressed her clit had her hissing in pain. 

"Babe wait-" Blake was stopped from finishing her request as Yang shifted her fingers to slip inside Blake. She moved slowly at first, allowing Blake to adjust to the suddenness of it. Blake squeaked a small noise from the discomfort, grabbing Yang's hand before having it pushed away. 

"I don't want to wait, I've missed you, and I want you. Let me take care of you." Yang dropped her head between Blake's thighs, her tongue darting out and lapping against Blake. 

Blake laid back on the bed. If she focussed she could be where Yang wanted her in no time, so long as Yang didn't rub her dry again. As she watched Yang gaze up at her from between her legs, she focussed on the many times Yang had done this before. Before all the problems set in, before Yang's drinking got out of hand, and before their communication reached a point they seemed to be speaking different languages altogether. If Yang was lost in some imaginary Blake, completely oblivious to the real one, Blake could get lost in her own version of Yang. 

The Yang in Blake's mind was mischievous but gentle, asking a question before giving Blake a broad stroke of her tongue. Blake imagined being rendered speechless by Yang's efforts, only able to pant and moan, never able to finish a sentence. She thought of the way Yang kissed her, slow and steady like the world stopped spinning for them. She pictured getting lost in Yang, her smell, her taste, her voice, and the way she felt. The Yang below her was a far cry from the Yang in her past. If Blake allowed herself, she could remember any number of nights where this was the Yang she'd spent ten years with. Blake focussed on the positive, reaching further and further back into their shared past as Yang drove her closer and closer to climax. 

Blake was at her limit, painfully close to her finish. Yang's rushed and unrhythmic strokes kept her from teetering over, so Blake mentally pushed further, tapping into her preferred memory for a quick finish. Their first time had been nothing like this, nothing like countless nights Blake could recall with Yang. It had started slow, built even slower, and crescendoed after several hours of exploring their bodies together. Blake focussed on the way Yang once made every inch of her body twitch and tremble with delight. 

As she climaxed, she tangled her fingers into Yang's hair, grasping for the Yang in her memory fruitlessly. The sex had not been what she'd hoped for, but Yang had done the job nonetheless. She'd just have to show Yang what she'd wanted, they still had plenty of time to do things right. She recovered, panting and sweating lightly, and placed her arm over her eyes, trying to calm her racing heart. She felt Yang kiss her one last time on the inner thigh before resting her head on Blake's stomach. 

"Give me a second, and it's your turn." she was met with several seconds of silence. "Yang, honey?" 

Blake looked down at the top of Yang's head, Yang's breathing coming out slow and rhythmic. 

"Babe, did you seriously fall asleep?" She shook Yang's shoulder and heard a soft snore. "Are you fucking kidding me?" 

Blake shoved Yang off her, rolling her over to the opposite end of the bed. She grabbed her clothes and headed into the bathroom. After getting cleaned up and dressed, she moved to the vanity to stare into the mirror. An empty pint of whiskey stared back. 

Yang might have only had one drink at the bar. Apparently, she'd kept drinking when they'd arrived. Looking into the trash, she found two miniatures in the garbage. She turned on the faucet to wash her hands and smelled mint. Clearly, Yang had finished her drinking then cleaned up to leave Blake none the wiser. It explained the shift in a tone she'd felt from their first kiss to their bedroom antics. She grabbed her shoes, keys, and bag in a blur and raced to her car. 

As she sat in the driver's seat, methodically bumping the back of her head against the seat to ground herself, she was assaulted with thoughts of how their night might have gone, if only Yang could stay sober for one fucking day. She started her car and drove on autopilot back to Sun's. She'd only been out of work for two hours. Walking in the front door, she ignored the callouts from Sun and Neptune as she raced to her room and slammed the door behind her. She flopped onto her bed and cocooned herself within, her tears falling freely by the time she heard Sun knock on her door. 

"What's going on?" 

"I don't want to talk now, just leave me alone for a while." she snapped. She heard a sigh and footsteps retreat from the door. She cried. She cried for what felt like hours, the TV in the living room long since silenced. She'd heard Sun and Neptune say their goodnights and heard a second knock at her door, one she'd ignored completely. 

It was supposed to be good sex, Yang had said so herself. It made no sense for her to have left crying. As she lay there, she was haunted by memories of Yang. If Yang wasn't going to give her what she wanted, maybe a memory could. She focussed back on her first time with Yang as she traced her skin, realizing only now that she'd forgotten her underwear in her rush. Moving her hands down, slowly, just as the Yang in her memory did, she was reminded of the rough and rushed touch she'd just gone through. Focussing again, she stroked her thighs and tried harder to remember the Yang who made her quake from just a look. Instead, she found Yang with a far off look, too focussed on something else to ever see Blake. She tried once more, tracing slow circles around her clit and gaining traction. She thought of the way Yang said her name, how it raised goosebumps across every inch of her skin. The way Yang said "Blake" like she was some stranger she brought home from the bar creeped into her ear, and she shuddered. She lay there panting, wrist sore, and overstimulated, further from what she'd wanted than when she'd left Yang passed out. She'd hoped her memories would help her, instead they left a pit in her stomach, and sore. She tried to push Yang from her thoughts in vain, the memories so recently accessed they flooded her mind with the sharp contrasts of the woman she'd fallen in love with and the woman she'd just fucked. 

* * *

Blake flopped back onto the bed, her arms spent from exertion and her core and legs shaking far too much to support her weight any longer. Yang tumbled down with her, landing next to her on the pillow and leaving small sweet kisses on Blake's temple, cheek, and hair. 

"My. God." Blake moaned. 

"That good, huh?" Yang panted. 

"Easily the best sex _I've_ ever had, That _anyone's_ ever had." Blake was being dramatic again, but if it fueled Yang's ego she wasn't one to complain. Except for the neighbors, maybe. Blake rolled over and laid her head on Yang's bare and sweaty chest, listening to the rapid rate of her heart. Yang wrapped her arms around Blake and ran her fingers lightly on Blake's spine. 

"I'll be sure to bring my A game next time." 

"If that's not your best, I can't imagine what will happen to my brain next time." 

"You'll melt into a puddle of Blake." 

"I already melted this time." 

Blake felt Yang's chuckle rumble from her chest as Yang adjusted their position, moving both into a more comfortable spot on the pillows. Her heartbeat had slowed to it's more normal pace. Blake felt the edges of her thoughts grow fuzzy as the mix of warmth and tranquility flooded her body. This was what they called "basking in the afterglow" in her books. She'd never believed sex could be so good one was left entirely sedentary, but she liked when Yang proved her wrong. She began to drift off to sleep when she remembered that it was _technically_ Yang's turn. She moved to mount Yang, kissing her with all the intensity she was feeling in that moment. 

"You don't have to take care of me again if you'd rather go to sleep." Yang kissed Blake's forehead. "I know you're about to fall asleep." 

"But...I came so many more times than you." Blake reasoned. 

"Sex isn't a game where you keep score, not unless you want to for fun. I got off plenty of times, and I enjoy making you feel good." 

Blake froze and met Yang's gaze, staring with intensity and disbelief, 

"I'm serious, if you're tired, lay here and go to sleep. I came enough, now I just kind of want to be close to you." she stroked Blake's cheek gently and pulled her to lie down. 

"You're perfect, where have you been all my life?" Blake sighed. 

"Waiting for you to come home." 

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first real exploration into fanfiction, so I'll be using my tumblr to discuss my writing in greater detail. TheCassMtz


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